(Clearwisdom.net) I was released from prison a long time ago, but I have not had enough encourage to truly face myself until today.
In November 2000, I was taken advantage of by the evil because I did not realize my attachments, and my understanding of cultivation in Fa-rectification was limited. I regarded the persecution of Dafa as a test of personal cultivation and therefore recognized the existence of the old forces, causing my tribulations to increase. I was illegally detained for four and a half years.
When I think back, I realize that I did not let go of my attachment to life and death and resist the persecution while under tribulations. I did not evaluate myself according to standards of the Fa at different levels, but understood the whole thing with human thoughts. I thought I should behave as a so-called "good person" in the prison, according to the notions of degenerated people, obeying the prison's regulations and bearing all the suffering. I recognized this persecution with the thinking of a degenerated person and passively bore all the suffering imposed on me, which meant I cultivated within the tribulation arranged by the old forces. Actually, the prolonged suffering was because I did not understand the Fa at the level of Fa, but recognized and encouraged the existence of the old forces. In essence, I fueled their persecution of Dafa. As a disciple in the Fa-rectification period, our cultivation path is to deny the existence of the old forces, to eliminate the interference to Master's Fa-rectification and to eliminate the poison and harm to all beings caused by the old forces, thereby saving more beings. In the prison, I could not study the Fa or do the exercises regularly. I was only able to do this in secret. I was not able to read Master's new articles and my xinxing dropped to an ordinary person's level without my noticing. Although I never wrote anything not in accordance with Dafa, I have nonetheless deviated from the Fa.
After I left the prison, I was not able to understand all of what I experienced from the standpoint of the Fa. I was even pleased with myself. I thought that since I had experienced so many tribulations I would be regarded as a "firmly and truly cultivating disciple." I cultivated well and others also thought I cultivated well; I was very firm and thought I was always within the Fa. I did not dare to think about or approach my own problems. I always avoided thinking about them and was in a state of deceiving myself and others. In thinking about it, when one admits that he has deviated from the Fa, fueled the persecution of Dafa practitioners in a disguised form, and brought obstacles to Master's Fa-rectification, even though he has endured horrible tribulations, how painful and hesitant he feels in his heart. But Dafa is serious. We cannot pass the test just by drifting along. Only when we clearly understand all of what happens from deep in our hearts, are we really responsible to ourselves and to Dafa. I want to thank Master for His compassion. Master arranged a free environment of Fa-study for me, which has provided a chance for me to reflect upon myself seriously and correct myself. I also want to thank our fellow practitioners. It was the articles posted on the Minghui/Clearwisdom website that helped me discover my shortcomings, see the difference, and clearly recognize my problems. I should study the Fa and do the exercises more diligently, do well the three things Master has told us to do, and be worthy of Master's grace.
I thought it over for a long time and did not dare to face myself. I always comforted myself in my heart and told myself that it was good enough as long as I realized the problem. Now I have decided to confess my mistakes, and I hope that it is helpful to fellow practitioners.
