(Minghui.org)
My spouse had been sick for half a year and passed away in December of 1999. I was heartbroken. Why couldn't we escape death? Why couldn't we be together forever? I cried and eventually started smoking and drinking instead. It was not like me.
My sister practiced Falun Dafa. In May of 2000, she told me: “Please read the Fa.” We studied Zhuan Falun together and read the whole book in one week. I then realized the meaning of life. I told my neighbors: “Falun Dafa is wonderful! I’m so excited!” I even wanted to shout loudly on the street that I cultivate Dafa now. I read Dafa books whenever I had time. I used a flashlight at night so as not to wake my family members. I now behave according to Dafa’s principles. I have been practicing Dafa for over ten years. I have improved myself gradually. I would like to share some of my cultivation experiences.
Back when my son's mother-in-law looked after our granddaughter, I took care of my kids and also had to cook. She was very particular about hygiene and even inspected my place twice a week. She kept criticizing small things like dirt on a bottle, the fat part of the meat found in a dumpling or the child was sick. She would say that all of that was my fault. She also threatened me and said that if I don’t take care of our granddaughter, she would get her daughter to divorce my son.
At the beginning, I believed that I should tolerate this. I was concerned for my son and didn't want him and his wife to get divorced. I felt troubled in my heart. I recited “Tempering the Will” in Hong Yin. However, my son's mother-in-law got much tougher. If she shouted, I felt so scared. At that time, I didn’t study the Fa deeply. I didn’t realize I should improve my xinxing. I felt it was chaotic. I asked Master in my heart: “What’s going on? I'm studying the Fa diligently and I'm looking inward. Why am I so weak?” The reason is that my emotions were too strong. Who is my son or daughter? Aren’t they just beings who have reincarnated and have become acquainted with me that way? They are all sentient beings. Everyone has his own path. What was I scared for? I let go of my emotions.
Master said:
“How should we deal with this issue? Upon running into this conflict, we should, first of all, keep a cool head, and we should not behave the same as that person. Of course, we can explain the matter kindly, and it is not a problem if we clarify the issue. But you should not become too attached to it.” (Zhuan Falun)
She mentioned divorce again. I said to her very seriously: “Please don’t say that again. Marriage is a predestined relationship. They are very harmonious together. Why do you always try to break them up? Look at people nowadays: those rich people have extramarital affairs. Is this is what you want? My son is a moral person. He doesn’t spend money unreasonably and treats the elderly very respectfully. Why would you want your daughter to leave him?” From then on, she became much better.
Regarding education, we had differences in understanding. She spoiled our granddaughter. She told her that if anyone treated her badly, she should definitely fight back. As a consequence, no one wanted to play with our granddaughter. Later, no one wanted to even take care of her. So they let me take care of her. I educated her positively, and she changed dramatically. My son's mother-in-law noticed the difference.
As our relationship improved, I normally clarified the truth to her about Falun Gong and talked about Dafa’s principles. She was very interested. I helped her three daughters, daughters-in-law, sisters and sister-in-law withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party.
She always helped me to improve my xinxing. Last year, someone knocked at my door loudly in the morning. I heard her make a noise, but I did not know what she said. I told her that she should not be mad. She said something and left. I asked my older daughter-in-law if she complained about me. She said: “Don’t you know? It's best if you just turn a deaf ear to her.” She left. At that moment, I felt Master helping to purify my body since I was not moved. I felt so relaxed.
Two years ago during the holidays, she was unhappy with her children. She complained and was so mad. I felt that humans were really pitiful because they're controlled by emotion. I persuaded her not to get mad and to take care of her health. If I felt I had not done anything wrong, I'd still look within and see to correcting myself somewhere. My compassion touched her and she answered her daughter’s phone call and returned home.
One week after, she brought her granddaughter and smiled: “I complained last time. It’s my fault. I hope you are not mad.” I said: “I am not. I am a cultivator and won't get mad.” She said: “You cultivators are truly different from us. My daughter said my moral level is quite low.” I was very happy since Dafa changed me and changed sentient beings as well.
I recall one particular experience. When my granddaughter was little, my daughter-in-law suddenly told me that she did not need me to look after my granddaughter anymore. Because she didn't require me to look after my granddaughter anymore, it meant I had to move out of their house. I didn’t have my own house so I had to go to my older son’s home. My granddaughter cried and didn’t want me to go. I was very emotional and cried for three days. I couldn’t calm down for a week.
I recalled the old saying “dismiss a person as soon as his job is done.” My son said that I should be quite tired after so many years of taking care of babies. “Isn’t it better to relax now? You said you're meant to take emotions lightly, but have you done that? My son's words suddenly jolted me out of my stupor. I thought, “Ah this is sentimentality and it's so unbearable. Isn't cultivation just about getting rid of this stuff?” I said to Master, “Master, please get rid of this sentimentality for me, I don't want it.”
From then on, I was less emotional. After several months, whenever I saw my granddaughter, I no longer felt overjoyed, nor was I pained from missing her. Later, I bought a house and I had more time to do the three things. I knew that was Master’s arrangement. Because I was caught up in the attachment I wasn't able to see things clearly.
I know my cultivation path coincides with the Fa-rectification period. I created a group study site at my home. In 2008, I started to produce DVDs. In this process, I had to overcome my own timidity. At the beginning, I felt the machine was so loud so I used a bed sheet to hide it. I still worried others could hear it, so I closed the door. I went outside the room to check if the noise was audible from outside. Even though it wasn't so audible, I was still not calm. One day, another practitioner brought me ten boxes of DVDs and left. I was so scared and worried that someone might find it. I couldn’t sleep the whole night and all I thought about was the DVDs. When I think back, it seems like such a trivial thing. However, I was pretty fearful at the time. I told myself that this was all part of saving sentient beings, and this was my responsibility. I should follow Master and walk the path regardless of whatever pressure there may be.
At the beginning, I also had an attachment when I clarified the truth to people face to face. I was so anxious which affected the way I spoke. I then decided to learn from another practitioner. Gradually, I have been able to clarify the truth more smoothly. I look inward every time and cultivate diligently. I purify myself and have compassion. For example, I clarified the truth to a fifty-year-old man when we crossed the street together. I asked him if he had joined the CCP (Chinese Communist Party). He said: “I am not involved with the CCP. I'm also very annoyed because every day someone like you asks me something like that. I don’t want to listen to what you or anyone else has to say.” I said: “It's to save you. You must be a CCP member. To quit the CCP is to allow yourself to have a future. When there is a disaster, you can be spared.” He replied: “I don’t believe that. Who can save me? If I don’t work, who can give me money?” I told him: “If you only have money, but you don’t have life, what’s the use of money?” He still didn’t believe me. I said: “If someone fell into a river, and I rescued him, but he still lied to me, do you think that is right? I am persuading you to withdraw from the CCP just to save you. Why don’t you trust me?” I was so sad and was on the verge of tears. He saw me about to cry and said: “Sister, you are so kind. To be honest, I joined the CCP Young Pioneers and Youth League. I'll tell you my true name to use for my withdrawal. Thank you so much.” I said: “You are very welcome. You are saved.” I was happy for him. He put both hands together in the heshi position to say thank you. He wanted to get water for me. From this experience I realized that compassion is developed only via true cultivation.
Let me stop here. I am so appreciative of Master immense compassion. I will firmly follow Master’s arrangements to do well the three things, complete my mission, and return home with Master.