(Minghui.org)
Greetings respected Master!
Greetings fellow practitioners!
This is my sixth time participating in Minghui's China Online Fahui since it first began in 2008. Every time I write a Fahui article, I can barely hold back the tears. No words can express my gratitude for Master's mercy!
I began to practice Falun Dafa in March 1999, and most of the time I have had to cultivate alone. From time to time I would meet fellow practitioners, but since my environment kept changing, it was difficult to form a group. What kept me cultivating was diligently studying and memorizing the Fa. Thus, only thanks to Master and the Fa, have I made it to where I am today.
Beginning in April 2005, through memorizing Zhuan Falun and other Fa books, Master strengthened me. In the past 11 years, my cultivation state, as well as my work and living environment, have changed dramatically.
It was a very difficult time for me when I first began to memorize the Fa. I was under "residential surveillance" in the countryside of my home. Before that, I had been illegally detained for six months, and I suffered both physical and mental torture while in detention, which resulted in terrible health problems. I was just 30 years old then, and yet I had such pain in my chest and stomach that I was not able to sit for more than two hours. I also suffered from bad coughing spells and severe pain in one leg.
Because of my belief in Falun Gong, I was fired from work and had no income. I lived on my father's small income and a small savings of mine. For an entire year, I lived on less than 50 Yuan.
The persecution I suffered and the lies of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) created misunderstandings with my family regarding Dafa, so they did not support my practice. I was not doing well with my cultivation and felt ashamed about it. I had fear and it became so intense that even a slight noise outside caused me to tremble.
Now, 11 years later, I am in a high spirits and my health has been restored. Although I am over 40 years old, I look like I am in my 20s. My financial situation has also improved, and I work as a manager in a well-known multinational corporation. My boss thinks highly of me, and my colleagues respect me. My income is good and I was able to purchase a house in the central district of the city. I also purchased a nice house for my now elderly parents.
Much of my family have changed their attitude toward Dafa from being hateful to being thankful. They have all withdrawn from the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliates, and my father and my younger sister have read Zhuan Falun and several other Dafa books. My mother started to cultivate at the beginning of the year. For the past several years, she has already worked hard to helped tell many people about the goodness Falun Dafa.
As for my own cultivation, I spend 7 or 8 hours daily doing the three things Master asked us to do, in addition to my job.
When practitioners started to sue Jiang Zemin this year, I did the same and sent my legal paperwork to the Supreme People's Procuratorate and the Supreme Court in June. Two days later, I received receipts confirming that they had been received.
All of these positive results came from memorizing the Fa daily, which enabled me to walk my cultivation path straight and stable.
Soon after I began memorizing the Fa, the disturbances, such as loud noises from outside, disappeared. While memorizing the Fa, my space became clear and bright. Many times I saw beautiful things, including scenes in which the entire space was full of beautiful lotus flowers. More importantly, the process of memorizing the Fa was also a process of eliminating karma and increasing righteous thoughts.
Initially, it was difficult for me when I started to memorize the Fa. I had many uncomfortable symptoms in my head as well as all sorts of bad thoughts.
Then, I became very focused for the first year of my memorizing the Fa. I was shown the meanings of the Fa, one layer after another. After one year, I had memorized the words from the book. However, after that I had a lot of difficulties staying focused. When I would recite the Fa, I often did not even know if I was saying the correct words, and there was no one I could ask to listen and correct me. This situation lasted nearly a year, and I was troubled and did not know how to break through.
I was able to save enough money to purchase a computer at the end of 2006. I decided to type the words from Zhuan Falun on the computer from memory, and check it with the book after each paragraph. I would correct any mistakes I made. It was better than before, but I still could not truly focus. I could feel there was a blockage in my brain, as hard as steel, which prevented the Fa from entering deep into my head. This situation lasted about two years.
Later, I felt that this method was too slow. It took me about 3 months to finish typing the book once. I often forgot the mistakes I corrected after three months. So I changed back to reciting the Fa from memory again. The effect was good for several months, but then the blockage in my head felt like a tumor growing behind my nose. It was extremely uncomfortable when I was memorizing the Fa. I could not focus, but I knew I needed to raise my xinxing. I was able to treat myself as a cultivator in daily life during conflicts, and I could feel my attachments reducing. But the steel-strong blockage was still there.
Then, I experienced the biggest tribulation of my cultivation, which lasted from the second half of 2011 until the first half of 2013. This tribulation stirred up all of my bad notions and thoughts. I could not recite the Fa and my Fa-study time became more difficult. I felt hatred, and I had thoughts of revenge, sentimentality, and even a desire for fame and gain.
During this time I would often spend two to three hours studying the Fa, and yet I struggled to even finish two pages of the book. I felt I was on the cusp of being destroyed. I would kneel in front of Master's portrait again and again, crying for help. Many times Master appeared in my dreams, giving me hints, encouraging me and comforting me. I saw that Master cleaned out the bad substances in my brain—red and black blood clots, decayed flesh, strange shaped black matter, skinny white worms, maggot shells, etc.
When I woke up, I could identify which bad thoughts were not myself and that should be eliminated.
During this time, even though it was painful and things went poorly, I would not slack off in my memorizing of the Fa. I knew that Fa-study every day was the only way I could pass this tribulation. For a while when my cultivation state was really bad, I stopped going out to distribute truth-clarification materials, and instead, I participated in some online projects and article writing. Master saw my heart and provided more suitable projects for me.
Now, I have made it through the tribulation. Master led me to find a suitable way for me to do the Fa-study. I read or recite the Fa from memory for two or three hours daily. My focus during Fa-study has greatly improved.
Although my economic situation was extremely bad early on, and there were no other practitioners in the area, the toughest thing for me was the many twisted thoughts that the old forces placed into my brain. This caused me great pain and suffering. It was not just the jealousy, hatred, and showing off mentality; there were many other dirty kinds of matter.
If I let my guard down for even a moment, they would disturb and control me. They made it especially difficult for me when I was memorizing the Fa.
So at this time, even though I spent hours memorizing the Fa, I was not remembering anything. I felt like an ordinary person. When facing conflicts, I often did not remember that I was a cultivator. I was not able to tell what was right and what was wrong. I could not tell what was my true self and what was arranged by the old forces. Eventually, however, I learned to distinguish what was my true self.
I remembered to look within, and little by little I eliminated my attachments one by one. Gradually I could see my true self. I felt that I—my main consciousness—was tiny like a sesame seed buried deep in my Niwan palace. My brain was filled with human attachments like huge mountains pressing down on my main consciousness underneath. For a period of time, when I was memorizing the Fa or looking within, I could often see the situation with my main consciousness. During Fa-study, my main consciousness was growing as if that little sesame seed was trying to germinate.
After countless struggles and pain, one day during my Fa study, I saw my main consciousness breaking through the mountains, which were now full of cracks. When I memorized the Fa, the mountains were being destroyed by a strong force. Layers and layers of bad matter was destroyed. I felt that it was close to being completely eliminated, and at the beginning, they were big mountains while I was as small as a sesame seed.
Now the situation is the opposite, and I am large while the mountains are crumbling. I know from my heart that as long as I continue to make an effort to memorize the Fa and do the three things well, one day the mountains will be gone.
For practitioners working full time, it can be challenging to squeeze in enough time to validate the Fa in their schedules. I am no exception. In addition to my job, I spend six to eight hours studying the Fa, doing the exercises, sending righteous thoughts, and doing projects for saving people. On the weekends, I put my heart and soul into doing the three things. For over a decade, I would skip breakfast. Initially it was to save money, but then it became a habit. So I have continued to skip breakfast saving money and time. I generally eat lunch at work. In the evenings I do not take time to cook. Instead, I have a bun, flat cake, or a bowl of noodles that cook quickly. On the weekends, I cook up some porridge or noodles. I never cook more than once a day so I can use all my time to do the three things.
From the day I learned Dafa, I have come to know the meaning of my life. I now have my goal. Since young adulthood to middle age, I have been cultivating and do not participate in activities like ordinary people such as attending movies, getting dressed up and applying makeup, dating, or traveling. I have no interest in any of it. I have kept an upright spirit.
Nothing can compare with what I have obtained from cultivation and the happiness that Dafa has given to me!
Thank you merciful Master!Thank you fellow practitioners!
(12th China Fahui on Minghui.org)