(Minghui.org) I have practiced Falun Dafa since I was a child and am now almost middle-aged. Master Li, the founder of the practice, has been beside me the entire time, but it took a long time to truly understand how to cultivate and look inward.
As an only child, I was selfish, lazy, jealous, and competitive, just like many other Chinese. Additionally, I was not in good health and my parents had to take me to the hospital almost once a month. They accommodated me all the time. I took everything for granted and became self-centered. If I wasn't happy, I lost my temper. Once I started to cultivate Falun Dafa, I understood that I was very selfish. It was not easy to remove the layers of bad substances inside me.
Master Li Hongzhi said:
“As a truly determined cultivator, one is able to endure everything and give up or care less for any attachment in the face of various self-interests. As long as one can do this, it will not be difficult. People who say it’s difficult are those who cannot let go of these things. Cultivation itself is not difficult, and neither is raising one’s level itself difficult. It is because they cannot give up human desires that they call it difficult.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
When I first read this, I did not understand why Master said it was difficult to give up attachments—I thought it would be easy. I was still young at the time and did not have many notions or attachments. But when I went to work and was in contact with regular people, without realizing it, I became attached to fame, self-interest, and excitement. I did not know that I should use the Fa teachings to rectify my actions. After many conflicts, I gradually did and got rid of all kinds of attachments.
After graduation, I was offered a management job at a large state-owned company. This department was divided into several sections, based on their functions, and I was assigned to the busiest one. The people in other sections got to leave work on time. But we had to work overtime, overnight, or even on weekends. I had never worked so hard, so I began to develop resentment. I wondered why other sections were assigned easy work and could relax. Some people didn't have anything to do. They were chatting, drinking tea, and reading newspapers while I had to work until I was exhausted for little pay.
Eventually, I realized that Master used this opportunity to eliminate my karma, and it was a good thing for me. I should not expect my gong to increase when I am relaxed and comfortable.
After I had some work experience, I was offered and accepted a job with a private company as the manager of the business management department. The tasks assigned to me involved finance, sales, and even things my boss was working on. My responsibilities increased, and much of it was new to me. However, Master gave me wisdom, and it was no problem for me to finish whatever was assigned to me. In particular, I was good at writing applications for different kinds of projects, without much effort, and my boss was satisfied. When I look back, I cannot believe that I wrote those applications, because some of them were very technical.
When one important project passed the review process, the company had a celebration and many leaders attended it. My boss took it seriously and asked me to host the meeting. The room was full of top-level leaders, and my boss was nervous. However, I was very calm. I thought those leaders were just regular people. I was a practitioner, and there was nothing to be afraid of in the human world. The meeting went well. I was shy as a child and could never have achieved the success I did without cultivating and Dafa's wisdom.
I had nothing to complain about in that job. I was good at what I did and got along well with my colleagues. Basically there were not many conflicts. Later I went into the construction business, where the conflicts involving self-interests were much more intense.
My boss put me in management and asked me to oversee the purchasing side of the business. He was not satisfied with what was going on in the purchasing department and asked me to evaluate our suppliers, find out more about them, replace any that were substandard, and develop new suppliers so that their prices would be competitive.
Others might think that being in charge of purchasing would be a desirable position and wish they could have that job. But it was very stressful for me, and I only thought about how to improve output. The quality of the material is of utmost importance in the construction business, and the buyer has to understand the technology and industry standards. The quality issue can have an impact on the entire project. Since I always worked on the management side, I had to start from ground zero, which was a challenge.
The employee in the purchasing department was reluctant to communicate with me, since my involvement with the purchasing side of the business meant I oversaw him. Whenever I asked him about anything, he always said he was not sure and asked me to search online myself. Gradually, I started to resent him. I was not familiar with the work and it became more difficult to get things done because he did not cooperate with me. I felt that no one would truly communicate with me when it involved their personal interests at work. Only the Dafa practitioners were selfless. I had to learn on the job.
Following the boss's instructions, I started to look at the possibility of replacing certain suppliers. I found one supplier that the project manager himself had contracted, and they'd had a good relationship for many years. However, that supplier's prices and payment terms were not advantageous to us. The boss also agreed that we needed to compare prices and find a cheaper supplier. So eventually I switched to a different supplier. That made the project manager very unhappy. He used all kinds of excuses to refuse to accept the new supplier's deliveries, claiming he did not receive notice of the delivery, there were quality issues, and so on.
Master said, “When people are scheming against each other, that is when the mind becomes the hardest thing to control.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
That was me all over. I forgot that I was a practitioner and my mind was filled with human notions and competitiveness. I thought the project manager was trying to give me a hard time, and the old supplier must have been giving him kickbacks. Back home, I calmed down and realized this was a test for me. Everyday people could get emotional and angry, but as a practitioner, I should take it lightly. I also looked inward and realized that I was not familiar with this type of work and I did not have a comprehensive understanding of the quality issue. I did not do everything perfectly. For example, before the delivery, I was not totally open with the project manager, thought that he would be hostile, and made up all kinds of excuses. So I tried to avoid direct contact with him. After I realized my mistake, I made up my mind to do better next time and try my best to understand the quality requirements.
Things like this happened a few times, and I could feel my mind becoming calmer. I wrote down all the questions the manager brought up and studied them afterward to avoid the same issues in the future. Sometimes I felt I cultivated better, improved my xinxing, and I was no longer moved by this issue. Then, all of sudden, the project manager called me and yelled at me over the phone. I realized Master used this as an opportunity to let me continue improving my xinxing and pass the test.
Master said,
“If the person did not create this situation for you, how could you improve your xinxing? If both you and I are nice to each other and sit there in harmony, how can increasing gong be possible? Precisely because that person created this conflict for you, there is this opportunity to improve xinxing. If you can make use of it to improve your own xinxing, won’t this xinxing of yours be raised in this way?” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
“This is because when a conflict occurs, it will take place unexpectedly. But that is not a coincidence—it is for improving your xinxing. As long as you treat yourself as a practitioner, you can handle it properly.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
I'd been hot-tempered, competitive and self-centered since I was a child. Master used these opportunities to help me get rid of all these human notions and attachments. I am very grateful to Master and regret that I did not pass these tests well.
The former supplier knew that I'd switched to another supplier. They tried to persuade me to take them back and sent me several 1,000-yuan gift cards. When I returned the cards, I told them I was looking for reasonable prices based on similar quality of product. The supplier said I was the most honest person he'd ever met.
When I talked with my friends about this, they all said I was stubborn and out of tune with what was going on in the “real world” for not taking the gift cards. I felt a little embarrassed. Later I looked inward and found that I was attached to saving face.
Master said,
“If someone says that you are good, you may not really be good. If someone says that you are bad, you may not really be bad. This is because the criteria that evaluate good and bad have been distorted. Only one who complies with this characteristic of the universe is a good person. It is the sole criterion that determines a good or bad person, and it is recognized by the universe.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
After I read Hong Yin V, I noticed that the modern concepts and behaviors Master mentioned most were atheism and the theory of evolution. The moral standards of today have already sunk to a very dangerous level. What we as practitioners need to do is to eliminate these modern concepts and restore traditional moral values.