(Minghui.org) Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
I began practicing Falun Dafa with my mother when I was ten years old. We did the exercises and studied the Fa teachings every day, and were very diligent. Beginning in junior high, I studied the Fa intermittently. We seldom communicated with fellow practitioners, and cultivated by ourselves.
When I was in college, a fellow practitioner asked me if I wanted to learn newspaper layout—she said she could teach me. Since I was majoring in graphic design, I thought it wouldn’t be too hard. I started to do art design for Dafa media. After graduation, I got involved with the media in audio-visual design.
Although I tried to improve my professional skills, I had too many negative thoughts and my cultivation was not solid, which kept me from keeping up with the progress of the Fa-rectification. I rarely looked at my own work or other practitioners’ situations with a cultivator’s righteous thoughts, and when finances got difficult, I left the project.
Hidden Attachments Surfaced
I had participated in Dafa projects for many years and had come to a point where I wanted to work for a regular company—I wanted to test my abilities. I tried to find a job in audiovisual planning. Much to my surprise, I quickly found one that paid well. The boss was setting up a food channel. I took the position of audiovisual planning. Since neither I nor the others on my team had had much experience in online audiovisuals, we had a lot to learn.
During the first three months, I didn’t get home until almost midnight most nights. I felt that my knowledge was limited. I tried my best to learn on the job. I only hoped that the channel could be up and running quickly. Anxiety and uneasiness chased me every day. The boss at the time really appreciated me, and because of this, I was very motivated by my pursuit for a successful career, as well as fame and fortune. All the attachments that I thought I didn’t have before surfaced.
Master pointed out:
“It is more difficult for a young person to conduct himself or herself well. This person usually seems pretty good, and when he doesn’t have many abilities in ordinary human society, he cares little for fame and self-interest. Once he becomes well-known, though, oftentimes he is easily interfered with by fame and profit. He will think that he still has a long way to go in life, and he still wants to make every effort to achieve some goals of everyday people.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
The desire to set up an excellent channel got me. My mind was occupied with how to make quick progress overnight. I hardly studied the Fa or did the exercises, and almost forgot I was a Dafa practitioner.
One Sunday night, three fingers of my right hand suddenly became very stiff and I couldn’t move them, somewhat like the symptoms of a mini-stroke. I panicked and immediately sent forth righteous thoughts to clear the interference. After about an hour my hand returned to normal.
At that time, I wondered if Master was giving me a hint. I realized that my pursuit of fame and fortune was controlling me. I was devoting my life to my work in order to achieve certain goals. What was more disturbing was that my sense of wanting to cultivate was getting weaker and weaker.
Working in an ordinary environment and being exposed to so many complicated and chaotic relationships between men and women, I was miserable and felt powerless. I did not have enough righteous thoughts to change the environment. I was grateful to my roommate, a fellow practitioner, who often gave me a head’s up when I was becoming lost in the ordinary world. Otherwise, I would not have realized that my values were being influenced by the mundane world and that I was unknowingly slipping further and further away from cultivation.
After much struggle and reflection, my sober side told me that the Fa-rectification had come to its final stage and that I had missed it for so many years—when would I begin to truly cultivate myself? When would I be more diligent? I decided to quit my job and make sure to get myself back on the path of cultivation as soon as possible.
Negative Thoughts Strengthen While Working on a Dafa Project
I went to work at NTDTV Asia Pacific in December 2019. At that time, I felt that I was working on a project to validate the Fa. It was a good cultivation environment, and everyone studied the Fa, did the exercises, and shared together, which should have helped me improve in my cultivation. I understood only later that no matter where I am, I am responsible for my own cultivation, and I cannot rely on the environment. One should practice actively, not passively.
In July 2020, in addition to the traditional Chinese medicine (TCM) channel we were broadcasting, the supervisor assigned me to run a travel channel. At the same time, I also had to train a newcomer. I was under a lot of pressure every day. In fact, when I first started to train the newcomer, I felt overwhelmed by the workload, which included teaching him software skills, assisting him in completing the film thumbnails, and taking care of the revenue of the TCM channel at the same time.
I didn’t expect that the supervisor would want me to train yet another new employee. I shared with her that I really couldn’t take on another one and asked if she could find someone else to do it. She simply asked me to expand my capacity and take over the job of training people.
I was rather upset after speaking with her. I thought she wasn’t aware that it was because I could no longer handle everything that I decided to I talk to her. She didn’t seem to care about me and how overwhelmed I was and was set on forcing me to take on an additional responsibilities. I developed negative feelings about her and resented her without realizing it.
Resentment is a Huge Obstacle on One’s Cultivation Path
When I told my roommate that I wasn’t comfortable with my supervisor’s decision, she said, “You’re complaining again.” She persuaded me to let it go and stop complaining. I was shocked—I thought I was just talking about the facts and how I felt about it. Why did she see it as complaining?
After looking within, I realized that this was how I always talked to my family, friends, and colleagues. I was accustomed to it and not even aware that I was complaining. I was shocked to see my problem and that I was not evaluating things with the Fa.
Another time, when I was telling my roommate what my supervisor did, she told me that she sensed I had strong hidden resentment. I was very surprised again. I asked myself why she would think that. Had I complained that badly? Perhaps Master saw that my enlightenment was so poor that he arranged for my roommate to remind me. I began to realize how much of a hindrance resentment would mean for my cultivation.
Master taught us:
“One’s Buddha-nature is Shan, and it manifests itself as compassion, thinking of others before acting, and the ability to endure suffering. One’s demon-nature is viciousness, and it manifests as killing, stealing and robbing, selfishness, wicked thoughts, sowing discord, stirring up troubles by spreading rumors, jealousy, wickedness, anger, laziness, incest and so on.” (“Buddha-Nature and Demon-Nature,” Essentials for Further Advancement)
I began to realize that this readiness to complain was very evil. The old forces instilled this kind of thinking in my family when I was a child—they did not realize that it was “complaining” and I was contaminated by it.
Although I obtained the Fa at a very young age, I did not solidly cultivate. I did not know how to look inward. I often looked outward and complained when I encountered things, and I commented on others with a condescending attitude. Of course, all I saw were the shortcomings of others. I could not understand them with a kind and compassionate heart, and even worse, I thought I was very thorough and better than others. Behind it was the inability to appreciate and acknowledge the other person, compounded by a sense of jealousy.
One night as I was taking a shower, the water pressure suddenly dropped. I thought, “Who’s doing that? Why are you taking my hot water? I turned it on first!” I realized that the idea of complaining was not just about someone or something I didn’t like, it existed in my space field, and I complained whenever I encountered something that was not to my liking. It might have nothing to do with the other party— there were just too many things I couldn’t accept. Whenever I encountered it, I exploded.
Complaining also brings the negative idea of sowing discord and inciting disinformation. If one can’t look at things rationally and objectively, but instead looks at things with a negative mindset and complains, then isn’t it possible that one may also cause bias and distortion in understanding things? When my negative words reached those who were not so sober-minded, it might have caused them to misunderstand. In that case, wasn’t I stirring things up, sowing discord, and generating karma? The chain reaction behind complaining is huge. It not only affects cultivators but also harms others.
The dark substance of complaints and resentment followed me for 30 years, and I did not pay attention to eliminate it with righteous thoughts, which led to my main consciousness succumbing to it.
From now on, whenever I think about complaining, I will try to reject it and not take it as myself. I will remove it layer by layer, even though it is hard to do and I may have setbacks.
When the pandemic broke out in May of this year, most of us worked from home. Because I live close to the company, I went to the office as usual. I realized that resentment made it hard for me to feel happy and I was depressed for a long time. I used the time in these months to recall the resentment that surfaced at work again, and I looked deeper and deeper inward to find why I was the only one who resented the supervisor so much.
How do other colleagues get along with their supervisors? They don’t seem to be that discontent or have that much resentment. And why did I always focus on the extra work I was assigned every time? These thoughts are immature and very egotistical and selfish. I didn’t care about how well I did my job or about my role in truly saving all beings—I focused on why my supervisor wasn’t more considerate of me, and forced me to do so much.
Master wants us to save all sentient beings, put others first, and evaluate things with righteous thoughts. Why do I feel so much pain when others want me to give a little more of my personal time? This mentality is really selfish and is far from the standard of a Dafa disciples that Master requires of us.
I realized that it’s not because I am in a Dafa project; I won’t be able to save sentient beings if my heart isn’t pure, as that’s just like an ordinary person doing Dafa work. I remind myself to be considerate of others and kind. Even if their behavior is not agreeable to me at the moment, I should still respond with kindness.
Whenever a complaint arises, I reject it, separate it from the real me, and deny such a negative thought. I try to turn it into a more positive one, thinking about how I can make the matter better so that my main consciousness is not manipulated by the resentful mindset. After a few months of painstaking effort, I sensed that there was much less resentful material in my field. I was gradually able to look at others with kindness and appreciation, and a large chunk of that substance that caused long-standing physical exhaustion and depression was gone! My whole body felt much lighter.
Whatever Happens to a Cultivator is All Good
After a year, the new person I trained has been able to help the TCM channel with many tasks. Thanks to his help, I am able to optimize other matters having to do with the channel, and he is willing to help the department more. What had been difficult for me at first turned into a gift and a great thing within a year.
Just like Master said:
“Whatever you experience during your cultivation—whether good or bad—is good, for it comes about only because you are cultivating.” (“To the Chicago Fa Conference,” The Essentials of Diligent Progress III)
I really felt it this time! Thank you, Master, for arranging it! I also appreciate my supervisor for trusting my ability and entrusting me with important responsibilities.
Concluding Remarks
I am ashamed to say that I obtained the Fa more than 20 years ago, but I have lost a lot of precious time. Thank you, compassionate Master, for not giving up on me and for reminding me again and again.
Cultivation is really the most serious thing in the universe. This is something I always knew but did not truly realize until now. There are still so many beings waiting for me to save. I have to be more diligent, learn more and understand the Fa well, always take the Fa as the teacher, and play an active role in saving all beings. Thank you, Master, for your saving grace.
This is my understanding at my level, please kindly point out anything inappropriate.
Thank you, Master! Thank you, fellow practitioners!
(Presented at the 2021 Taiwan Falun Dafa Experience Sharing Conference)
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