(Minghui.org) A while back, I was arrested for upholding my faith in Falun Dafa. After I was released, I felt my vision clouded by a thin layer of material in front of my eyes. I tried to eliminate the interference by sending righteous thoughts and looking within, but to no avail.
Looking Within
As I continued to examine myself, Master hinted to me that I had always been trying to please others in my cultivation. I followed other practitioners’ standards of being a good person, instead of abiding by Dafa. I thought I was cultivating well, only to find now that some of the things I thought were good didn’t conform to the Fa.
I realized that I had too many postnatal notions and human thinking that I took as my true self. I went along with them and was controlled by them. For example, if I developed a fear of being arrested or ridiculed for clarifying the truth to people on the street, instead of rejecting and eliminating the fear, I acknowledged it and allowed it to prevent me from going out.
By the same token, I also developed resentment toward other practitioners when things didn’t go my way. I couldn’t rise above and beyond and look at the issue from a higher standpoint, but got stuck with my notion and missed the opportunity to improve myself.
Family Tribulation
My employer fired me while I was in detention this time. Within two months after I was released, my mother, a fellow practitioner, passed away. My father and brother, who did not practice Dafa themselves, changed their neutral attitude and strongly opposed me in continuing my practice of Dafa.
I asked another fellow practitioner to help me clarify the facts about Dafa to my father. We also managed to persuade him to write a solemn statement, as he burned Dafa books and Master’s photo while I was detained. When I left my father’s home, I couldn’t help but burst into tears. It’s so difficult to save a person, but so easy to destroy him. Fortunately, my father realized his mistake of opposing Dafa.
For my brother, I wrote a 13-page letter to him and his attitude also changed.
Meanwhile, my aunt, also a practitioner, has become incapacitated due to a brain hemorrhage. This caused her family members to develop a misunderstanding about Dafa and very few of them have agreed to quit the Chinese Communist Party and its subordinate organizations so far. I felt mounting pressure and worried about what if I couldn’t save them. I later realized that my anxiety was caused by my human emotions. If I could treat every sentient being as my family member and truly have the wish to save them, I believe it would be easier for them to accept the truth.
Truly Cultivate Myself
I remember reading a story about Lü Dongbin, a Chinese deity who never failed a single test in his spiritual cultivation. My understanding is that Lü must have truly regarded himself as a Daoist cultivator and it’s his determination in practicing the Dao that enabled him to remain unmoved in front of the tests.
For me, I often took myself as an ordinary person. Especially when my notions and attachments were being tested, I would try to find excuses for myself with ordinary people’s principles, instead of measuring myself against the Fa.
With the fast progress of the Fa-rectification, there isn’t much time left for me to rectify myself. I can’t be lax anymore but should take the time to truly cultivate myself and save more people.
Above is my understanding at my limited level. I welcome fellow practitioners to point out to me anything improper.
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Category: Improving Oneself
