(Minghui.org) Recounting my cultivation experiences this past year, I realized I hadn’t eliminated some deep-rooted human notions or my selfishness.
After we retired, my husband and I went to our son’s home in another town to help take care of our granddaughter. Before we left I made up my mind that I would maintain my xinxing, and speak less. I didn’t realize that I had an attachment to safeguarding my image and pursuing a harmonious relationship with my family. This doesn’t sound wrong, but they are human notions.
When my husband and I first arrived at our son’s home, we reminded each other not to interfere with their way of doing things even if something didn’t conform with our notions, since we only planned to stay for five months. With the goal of improving my xinxing, I ignored minor conflicts. However, it wouldn’t serve the purpose of improving xinxing if conflicts didn’t move us. Is it possible to live in harmony all the time? My pursuit of maintaining a harmonious relationship became my primary weakness.
Eliminating My Conceit
I taught Food Science before I retired. Some of my students won top awards in national competitions. I became conceited and developed a habit of critiquing everything.
My son also studied Food Science. He is a great cook, but I often critiqued his cooking and told him how to improve. Whenever I cooked, I was very confident and spoke as though I were an authority.
My daughter-in-law is very candid. She said several times, “Mom, you enjoy critiquing, just like a teacher,” and, “Mom talks strongly when it comes to food.”
I realized that Master was giving me hints through her words. I tried to eliminate my conceit and attachment to showing off, but I just couldn’t eliminate these ingrained habits. As I kept doing the same thing, Master created opportunities for me to correct myself. My cooking tasted worse and worse. Sometimes we had to throw away the food I cooked. I intended to show off my skills to my son and daughter-in-law, but instead I repeatedly ended up in failure and embarrassed. I eventually admitted, “My cooking isn’t that good. Sorry for disappointing you.”
My conceit was gone. Master forced this attachment out of me.
Eliminating My Feelings of Being Treated Unfairly
My husband and I had to spend six additional months in my son’s home due to the COVID pandemic. Because they moved to a different house and with the pandemic restrictions, I could hardly clarify the truth to anyone. I became anxious and frustrated.
One time, my son’s attitude was bad when he spoke to me. I didn’t argue with him, thinking it was an opportunity to improve my xinxing. I tried to look within, but I seemed to be controlled by my thought that I was treated unfairly. I felt trapped in the sentiment and could not seem to escape. I immediately realized that this “feeling” wasn’t my true self. I told myself, “This is not me. I’m Master’s disciple. I don’t follow any other arrangement except Master’s.” However, I couldn’t stop my tears.
I made up my mind not to go along with the feeling and repeated in my mind, “You can’t control me. I’m Master Li’s disciple. My son is helping me improve. I should thank him.” Soon, the feeling of unfairness was gone. I knew that Master must have eliminated it for me in another dimension.
The same feeling came back a couple of times later, but I overcame it quickly. It never came back.
My parents, especially my father, didn’t favor me when I was young. He often scolded me even when I did nothing wrong. I left the dinner table in tears many times. When I recalled my childhood I realized my feeling that I was treated unfairly was formed back then. Thanks to Master, the stubborn sentiment has finally melted away.
Letting Go of Pursuing a Harmonious Family Atmosphere
The longer we stayed in our son’s home, the worse my relationship with my son and daughter-in-law became. We didn’t openly argue, but I did complain about them to my husband. I stopped myself one day while I was complaining when I realized I should look within. I identified my negative thoughts in time and eliminated them. I felt that I cultivated diligently, but I always felt incapable of uprooting my attachments. I was sad and eager to go home.
One day, I sat in the living room by myself, thinking, “Everything went so well in the first few months. My son and daughter-in-law read the Fa with us once a week. Our whole family was in perfect harmony. What went wrong? I wished to get along with them and felt it went well. But, it didn’t work out. Master, what is my problem?”
A thought came to my mind, “Isn’t it a good thing to have endurance? Worldly principles are opposite to the principles of cultivation practice!”
That’s true. I should view things differently. My thoughts brightened after I changed my notion. I realized that I had been holding onto my human notions. Endurance is a good thing. Changing our notions is what cultivation is about.
Reflecting on the cause of my frustration, I understood the reason we had frictions in our relationship was to expose my attachments and eliminate them. Instead, I was worried about losing my harmonious relationship with my family and I tried to bury these frictions. That was why I became more and more frustrated.
It turned out that I had been living for decades under the manipulation of my deep-rooted pursuit of harmonious relationships. I realized that this pursuit was also what originally motivated me to practice cultivation and become a better person. I must get rid of this notion and cultivate and improve unconditionally.
Through my experience of eliminating my most fundamental attachments, I felt that Master’s arrangements were the best. My attachments were exposed and eliminated, and my human notions were exposed and eliminated while I was at my son’s home.
Thank you, Master, for your compassionate salvation! I’m determined to cultivate myself diligently, do the three things well, and follow Master to return to my true home.
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Category: Improving Oneself
