(Minghui.org) Looking back on my cultivation journey over the past year, I feel the joy of improving my character and understanding of the Fa better. Yet I also feel regret for not doing well. Every bit of my improvement involved Master Li Hongzhi’s (Falun Dafa’s founder) guidance.
Master Li said:
“As you know, when a person reaches the Arhat level, in his heart he is not concerned about anything. He does not care at all in his heart for any ordinary human matter, and he will always be smiling and in good spirits. No matter how much loss he suffers, he will still be smiling and in good spirits without any concern.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
I aspired to this state where my heart would be grounded where nothing could move me. But in reality, my mood often fluctuated in response to someone or something.
For example, one of my family members played games on his computer or cell phone almost daily. He continued even after I told him many times about the harm of playing games, so I became resentful.
At work, I became very nervous when my boss evaluated my performance or when I needed to meet with my school counselor. I also became impatient and upset when people showed off while talking to me. After looking inward, I realized that most of these negative emotions originated from my attachment to what I perceived as right and wrong.
In terms of how to view right and wrong, I gained a new understanding of it after an incident. A practitioner Alice and I got online early for a Fa study session. She asked me if her microphone volume level sounded low because she had problems with it before. I told her it sounded fine, and I could hear her very clearly. However, after the others came online, her microphone level seemed much lower than the others.
My judgment changed because the references I used were different. Even though Alice’s microphone level was the same, I felt it was too low compared to the other practitioners. I realized that people’s perceptions of a matter may not be true and can be ever-changing. I understood that I shouldn’t have cared too much about other people’s opinions about me, nor should I be attached to the right or wrong of a matter.
As I was watching a Shen Yun performance, a poem in the program greatly impacted me.
Master Li wrote:
“Youthful, full of ambitionAspiring to an important positionReturning home with recognitionYet why did you come to this world”(“Admiring a Painting and Entering Its Realm,” Hong Yin V)
I realized I spent the past 20 years pursuing fame and fortune, as described in the poem’s first three sentences. Reasoning in the human world only goes as far as viewing a person who has fame and fortune as successful. The poem’s last sentence made me realize that my pursuit of personal interest is illusory.
I often felt nervous because I feared losing personal interest and fame. I desired these things and became resentful when I didn’t get them. As a result, I often felt uneasy and insecure.
I further realized that if all those who are competent could achieve fame, there would be no such thing as obscurity. That is to say, success may not necessarily be determined by a person’s capability.
In today’s society, under the influence of the doctrines of atheism and evolution, people unconsciously pursue this and that, wanting to get ahead. Children may want to get new toys. Some people pursue wealth, while others pursue fame. These pursuits have driven people to contend with one another. They’re afraid they won’t get what they want and often become anxious. They even worry about whether they have worked hard enough and fear making mistakes.
I once thought, “Why did I think there was so much uncertainty in my life? Is my life arranged or not? The Fa teaches us that a person’s amount of karma arranges everything. And that Gods arrange all developments in human society. As a practitioner, my life has been arranged by Master, even though I can’t see it. All of Master’s arrangements are the best for us, so I don’t need to be fearful, anxious, or worried at all.” When I understood this, I felt very comfortable and grounded.
I found that I had unknowingly accumulated a lot of human notions. For example, I was attached to the results of my work; my motivation to work hard was to get a good appraisal. As a result, I often forced myself to do things I did not want to do for those ends. I was impatient and could not calm down. I cared too much about gain and loss, so I could not concentrate on whatever I did. Therefore, I could have gotten better results.
Fortunately, Master arranged for my family, friends, and fellow practitioners to help me improve. They often pointed out my problems and suggested that I cultivate an interest in my work, instead of focusing on achieving a purpose. After all, forcing myself to do something only worked short-term. From a cultivation perspective, my job should not be a tool to help me gain personal benefits, but rather an opportunity to help people learn more about Falun Dafa. My relationship with my work should be one of cooperation, so I can do my job well.
I inevitably developed negative emotions, such as worry, anxiety, resentment, and pride. I did everything to gain more personal interest. I became open-minded and considerate of others when I was not selfish.
Master said:
“The Buddha-light illuminates everywhere and rectifies all abnormalities.” (Lecture Three, Zhuan Falun)
I better understood what Master said after I kept my thinking simple and pure. When I stopped chasing after fame and fortune, I started to walk on the path to return to my true nature.
I used to be very attached to my appearance. I spent a lot of time on makeup, clothes, weight loss, and skin care. I later realized I had many distorted human notions in this regard.
I found that many cosmetic products promoted themselves by using the celebrity effect. They advocated their definition of beauty and used the effects of media to strengthen such desires.
The pursuit of appearance can also make people lose confidence. These desires make people go to extremes, following society’s trends and doing whatever it takes, even though the products do not suit everyone. All of these are contrary to traditional virtues.
After I realized this, I gradually became more natural. I did my makeup according to my appearance, and I didn’t chase after a weight loss goal that was hard to achieve or didn’t suit me.
It seems that pursuing personal interest may bring people satisfaction to a certain extent. However, this satisfaction is short-lived. At the same time, pursuing fame and personal gain generates a lot of stress and creates a psychological burden. The stress is painful and hard to get rid of.
When I was not attached to personal interest, when I knew what I needed and did not need, when I was not driven by other people’s opinions, or when I did not go with society’s trends and let nature take its course, I became very relaxed and at peace.