(Minghui.org) I heard about Falun Dafa in 1997, but I didn’t start practicing until six months later, when Master explained the Fa to us in Frankfurt. When the persecution of Falun Dafa began in 1999, I had only been cultivating for a year, and my “heart of complaint” appeared for the first time. When I saw the images of persecution on TV, I still didn’t have a deep understanding. I thought, “Why is something so pure and beautiful being persecuted? Why can’t practitioners live their faith in Dafa in public, and why are they persecuted? This should not be allowed to happen. Why can’t it go on as before, and I can read the Fa and do the exercises?”

At that time I didn’t have a very deep understanding and I didn’t see my attachment. In 2007, Shen Yun Performing Arts came to Germany for the first time. I vividly remember hearing about it during our group Fa study. We discussed how we should coordinate the new project. When it came to who would provide security for the artists and Shen Yun Company vehicles, the main coordinator looked at me and said, “You’re a policeman and you know best about this kind of thing. You do it.” His tone was assertive and my “heart of complaint” and “comfort” came up again. I thought, “We have so much to do with clarifying the truth, and we just founded the Tian Guo Marching Band. We are on the road so much and now this as an additional task.” But shortly afterwards I thought, “Master used the mouth of the coordinator and entrusted me with this task, what are you complaining about?”

I had not yet recognized my attachment to complaint. I did not think about the fact that I was weighing down my heart and thus “making it heavier.”

Master said,

“Remember that a holy being would never let anything affect him or her emotionally; worldly things simply don’t occupy a holy person’s mind. They will always be pleasant and upbeat, however badly they might be treated. If you can genuinely be like that, then you have already achieved a basic level of divinity, known as arhat.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

How far was I from enlightening! I couldn’t even let go of this hidden “heart of complaint.” Were there other attachments that I had not yet identified? Was the “heart of grievance” the real attachment, or were there deeper attachments? Could I still cultivate at all? For the first time I questioned my ability to cultivate.

But then I remembered what Master said,

“This means that whoever manages to practice here, in this painful setting, is just exceptional; it indicates that he has the Way in his heart, that he wants to develop spiritually, and is truly special. He hasn’t lost the innate divinity within, even here in this trying place, and wishes still to make himself worthy of heaven.” (The Ninth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

This gave me courage to continue cultivating, to not give up, and to take my responsibility for Shen Yun security seriously and help Master save people directly with Shen Yun. However, I had not yet recognized my basic attachment. What was the “basic attachment” that made me complain?

In the years that followed, events, insights and exchanges with fellow practitioners encouraged me to continue cultivating. Nevertheless, under certain circumstances this “heart of complaint” repeatedly surfaced. It became weaker but it was still there.

One year, when Shen Yun gave a guest performance in Frankfurt, the lounge that was meant for security was suddenly needed for orchestra rehearsal. Since Shen Yun’s needs for the smooth running of the show were paramount, we had to move out. The question was where?

There were no other rooms available. At first we wanted to meet in the foyer and read the Fa. But that was not possible because the manager did not want to make this space available to us free of charge. Despite all my efforts, I could not find a solution. My thought was that we needed a room where we could read the Fa, talk, and eat.

Since no other solution could be found, we went outside. However, it was winter and quite cold. Due to the conditions, part of the building was covered, so we were not directly exposed to the weather. Some practitioners “complained” about this--that we were standing in the cold, that it did not make a good impression for Dafa (although only the theater staff could see us), that they found it impossible, and so on.

There it was again, the heart of complaint. I thought to myself, "How am I supposed to do the job well for Shen Yun when we don’t even have a proper space? We are supposed to do our job well." So I paused and reflected. I apologized to the other practitioners, but I also pointed out that Shen Yun’s needs come first, as Master is directly saving people with Shen Yun. After I said this, the practitioner calmed down and stopped complaining.

I had not yet realized that it was my attachment that the practitioner was showing me. I also wondered whether this heart of “complaint” was the basic attachment, or whether it was just a surface manifestation of something else.

Then I remembered the following passage in Zhuan Falun,

“For example, they might see visions of a higher being that they worship, and pray to it, but when they do so they mix in all sorts of complaints about their unanswered prayers, as they think that this being hasn’t done much for them or made life easier. But that higher being won’t respond to their wishes, of course, since the ordeals in their lives were in fact planned by him and meant to develop their character; things like interpersonal strife can do a lot to perfect one’s character, after all.” (The Fourth Talk, Zhuan Falun)

Only now did I realize that it’s all about improving my xinxing. Master has carefully arranged each step of our cultivation, and I have let many opportunities to improve my xinxing go by.

When we hosted Shen Yun again in 2022, there were still many “COVID-related” restrictions before the audience could enter the theater. In the preliminary discussions with the theater management, we were told that we would have to do the admission checks ourselves regarding vaccination cards, antigen tests, and, if necessary, on-site self-tests. They did not have enough staff available for this. Again my heart of “complaint” came up.

My thought was that we would now need more practitioners to carry out these checks. However, I saw my attachment to complaining and immediately changed my thought. I realized this was an opportunity to improve my xinxing.

We were in a densely populated area in North Westphalia and people from many other countries live here. It would be helpful during the entry checks, that they be carried out by a team that speaks different languages. We quickly met with the security team and clarified who spoke which languages and who, if necessary, could do the antigen tests before the show.

As no other practitioner had the authorization to carry out the antigen tests and also did not have the necessary experience, I took over this part. In addition, a local practitioner was asked about a tent so that we would at least have some protection from the weather during the antigen tests. All this was organized relatively quickly. Finally, we were able to cover the languages: English, Chinese, Vietnamese, Russian, Italian, and Turkish at the entrances. This meant that the entry checks went quickly and smoothly. That evening I realized how valuable the knowledge of fellow practitioners and their commitment is and the heart of “complaint” did not surface again, at least not this time.

But something else in my heart, a positive force appeared. The heart of “appreciation” for all fellow practitioners.

Since difficulties can always arise in carrying out our tasks for Shen Yun, it is important to cooperate well and seek solutions quickly. In my experience the difficulties that arise are mostly related to whether one improves xinxing. This year was the first time Shen Yun came to our city. Local practitioners wanted Shen Yun to come here, but there were obstacles every time. Either the theater was not available for the particular tour schedule, or a bigger city was approved, etc.

Since it was the first time for Shen Yun to perform there, it was all new. In the preliminary discussions with the technical director, she pointed out to me that we had to cover 15 “illuminated emergency exit signs” during dark scenes. For safety reasons, the fire brigade insisted that the illuminated signs could not be permanently blacked out. So the practitioners had to cooperate well with each other to cover these “illuminated signs” simultaneously during the scenes.

Since Shen Yun only had 12 illuminated signs to cover, we had to either make three more or get them from somewhere. A practitioner then asked the theater’s technical department if black signs (without extensions) could be procured. As some of the emergency exit signs were on the wall and not above the door, we were able to use these additional signs to cover them. The technical director sent on a shared messenger at the times when the “emergency exit signs” had to be covered. We discussed this and it worked out well during the performances.

Shen Yun offers us many opportunities to improve our xinxing. Besides, we can learn from the Shen Yun artists and all the staff how our Master guides Shen Yun and how we can do better. I truly appreciate being able to participate despite the many opportunities I missed to improve my xinxing. I look forward to the upcoming 2024 season.

If I said anything inappropriate, please correct me. Let us walk the final road well and cherish each other.

(Presented at the 2023 European Fa Conference)