(Minghui.org) I used to be assertive and domineering, and as a result I encountered many setbacks in my cultivation.
I attended school during the Chinese Communist Party’s (CCP) Cultural Revolution. During those 10 years of political turmoil I developed a strong character and fighting mentality. I was very argumentative and combative. Most people avoided me.
When I started to practice Falun Dafa I had difficulties in following the principles Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance. I had a practice site at my home, and many practitioners came to do the exercises. However, because of my domineering personality, some people quietly left or switched to a different practice site.
After the CCP launched the persecution in 1999 I did not cooperate with the police. On the surface I refused to bow to the persecution, but in fact, I was combative. When I was illegally detained I had a conflict with a lead police officer before I was scheduled to be released, and as a result I was detained for 8 more days.
When other practitioners did not agree with me, I often lost my temper, and some practitioners avoided interacting with me. My assertive character not only hurt others, but also added obstacles to my cultivation. The old forces used my loopholes, so I had non-stop sickness karma symptoms. I was taking a long detour in my cultivation, but in fact, I took the path arranged by the old forces.
My family relationships weren’t good. My family understood Dafa was good and supported my practice. Yet whenever someone irritated me, I made a scene and forgot that I was a practitioner. “Everyone can cultivate well except for you, because you have such a bad temper!” my husband exclaimed.
When I was going through sickness karma, a practitioner told me, “If you don’t suffer, who will?” My husband said the same thing.
As I suffered and looked inward I gradually realized I was assertive and domineering.
Master pointed out,
“Ordinary people have difficulty knowing the hardship of cultivation,Competing and fighting treated as happiness; ...”(“Cultivating in a Maze”, Hong Yin)
Wasn’t I treating competing and fighting as the way I was supposed to handle difficulties? Was I a cultivator or an ordinary person? I finally woke up and took a hard look at myself.
I started paying special attention to cultivating Forbearance. When conflicts occurred and I became frustrated and upset I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate these feelings until they were gone. They were stubborn, and even though I tried hard, they still occasionally surfaced. When I failed to maintain my composure I felt frustrated and regretful afterwards.
This year, after extensive in-depth reading and listening to the Fa, and especially after listening to the Minghui broadcast: “Remembering Master’s kindness,” I came to understand that as a Dafa practitioner during the Fa-Rectification, I must cultivate myself well in order to better save sentient beings. In the past, I did many things, such as making and distributing truth clarification materials and writing articles, but I did this for the sake of doing things. Once a fellow practitioner told me, “It would be wonderful if your xinxing could improve.”
That practitioner was worried about me, and I was worried about myself as well. I asked Master to help me and take away my self-assertion and dominance, the attachment I was trying to eliminate.
Several months passed and my character improved. I seldom get upset and I can control myself when other practitioners criticize me—this was impossible in the past. At home, I smile when I speak to my husband and I no longer talk with a tough tone. My husband is very happy and supports my cultivation even more.
Not wanting to disturb my husband when I studied the Fa or did the exercises, a few month ago I moved from our bedroom to another room. Now in late autumn, the weather turned cold. Seeing the room I stayed in had no heat, my husband was worried that I was too cold, so he carried my bedding back to our bedroom. He likes to watch videos on his phone in bed when he wakes up. So I went to another room to do the morning exercises since I didn’t want the exercise music to disturb him. My husband said the other room was too cold and asked me to do the exercises in the bedroom, and he stopped watching videos in the morning.
When my xinxing improved, my physical condition improved. In the past, I often felt tired and had difficulty doing the three things. Now, it’s quite easy.
I know I still have many other attachments that I need to eliminate. I will continue to study the Fa well, cultivate my xinxing, and save people with compassion.
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Category: Improving Oneself
