(Minghui.org) I’m involved in various businesses, so after I began practicing I squeezed in time to study the Fa and do the exercises. But when I had free time I picked up my phone, browsed through the news, novels, TV dramas, or online shops. As a result, I wasted a lot of time which I later regretted.
Trouble surfaced when I didn’t cultivate diligently. Either my children and my spouse were upset, or my granddaughter got sick. When I did very poorly, my body had issues, such as bleeding, a runny nose, or sneezing. Because I didn’t try to improve my xinxing I invited persecution.
I turned on the TV one evening, intending to have a quick glance, but I watched a TV series all night. I knew it was wrong, but I didn’t turn off the TV. I was being interfered with and didn’t want to take control of myself. The next day, I kept sneezing and had a runny nose. A practitioner told me that she dreamed that I fell from heaven and played in the mud.
Master repeatedly gave me opportunities, but I was unable to completely quit playing on my phone and watching TV. Sometimes, when I thought about my lack of being diligent and the suffering Master endured for me, I felt very troubled and wondered if I was worthy of being a Falun Dafa practitioner. I know Dafa is good and I experienced miraculous things many times, so why can’t I be diligent? Why did I want to take a break after taking two steps forward in cultivation? Why can’t I completely let go of my attachment to novels and TV? Why can’t I take cultivation seriously and cherish this rare opportunity?
It’s one thing to study the Fa less at times, but why couldn’t I study the Fa more when I did have time? Master answered a question from a practitioner at a Fa conference. Master said,
“If it’s a Dafa disciple who cultivates himself very well and who manages to rationally understand what Dafa is, he will surely work at it with considerable effort and not let up when it comes to this. On the other hand, those who are not diligent are likewise studying the Fa, and they know that the Fa is very good, but their thinking is not grounded in the Fa and they don’t have ample righteous thoughts. So, naturally their understanding is not high; that is, they can’t truly understand the preciousness of the Fa. That’s why they’re not all that motivated.” (“Teachings at the Conference in Los Angeles”)
I realized it’s because I couldn’t rationally understand the Fa, couldn’t truly comprehend the preciousness of the Fa, so I wasted time and opportunities. Why? Was it because I valued my own comfort more and didn’t put Dafa as my priority? I was using Dafa and pursuing enjoyment.
Illegal Detention
I recalled 2016, when I was illegally detained in a detention center for suing Jiang Zemin, the former head of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) who launched the persecution of Falun Dafa. I suddenly woke up. I no longer felt relaxed, and I realized the seriousness of cultivation. I knew I had to make progress, otherwise I would face great danger. I only made improvements because of fear, but I relaxed when I felt safe.
While I was detained, I could strictly demand of myself to be diligent. I sent righteous thoughts while I washed up, cleaned, worked, or did other things. Every action I took was to eliminate the evil, every step I walked was to eliminate evil. Whenever I had a spare minute, I recited the Fa, hand-copied the Fa, and clarified the truth to the detainees. During the detention center’s morning exercises, I stood at the back and did the first set of Dafa exercises.
One detainee said I wouldn’t be released unless I wrote a guarantee statement. I told him that I could still be released without writing one. I didn’t acknowledge the habitual thinking of the persecution accepted by ordinary people. In my heart, I said to Master: I won’t write any guarantee statement.
I remembered a story published in a Minghui.org article about a young Dafa practitioner who told his grandmother, “As long as Dafa disciples keep sending righteous thoughts, reciting the Fa, and improving themselves, the evil won’t be able to confine them.” Through several illegal detentions, I truly experienced the power of Dafa.
Master said,
“Disciples’ righteous thoughts are strongMaster has the power to turn the tide”(“Master-Disciple Grace” in Hong Yin II)
When the last day of my detention arrived, the detainee said again, “It seems you won’t be released unless you write a guarantee statement.” Although I felt I would be released, I wasn’t sure what would happen. I thought to myself: Master, wherever I go, I will deny the evil and completely eliminate it.
I was released from the detention center before noon, but I still had the thought that I had to sign before I was let out. Previously, I signed on the illegal search list prepared by the police, so I cooperated with the evil.
Several times when I was persecuted by the CCP, it was because I spent less time studying the Fa, didn’t send righteous thoughts, indulged in reading novels on my phone, and wasted time. This allowed the evil to find a loophole. I often slacked off, but when my safety was threatened, my main consciousness would become strong, and I would feel as if I was in the Fa, and clear on the Fa principles. However, during relaxed situations, I sought an ordinary person’s pleasure, slacked off in cultivation, and treat cultivation as a protective umbrella. It’s often all about “me”, and it seemed like I was cultivating for my own betterment among ordinary people—I was cultivating with a selfish purpose.
When I first entered Dafa cultivation, it wasn’t to cure illnesses; I simply enjoyed cultivation. I felt life was bitter, and happiness was short-lived. I believed that by enduring hardships through cultivation, I could become a deity or an immortal, and be eternally liberated. This was seeking personal liberation. Now, although there is an element of assimilating to Dafa and saving sentient beings in my cultivation, it didn’t outweigh the self-indulgence, as there was selfishness involved in using Dafa, allowing me to achieve personal goals.
I’ve become aware of the negative impact of using my cell phone, and I’ve been continuously denying my urge to use it. However, I haven’t completely broken through this dirty mindset. Progress has been slow, and I’ve been stagnant, or even regressed. I haven’t been able to truly feel the preciousness of the Fa at all times, nor have I been consistently diligent.
Recently, from Master’s lectures, I feel that the time for the Fa to rectify the human world is not far off, and our time to save people is becoming more urgent. I often remind myself to study the Fa more and be a true Dafa practitioner, because in the Fa, there is everything Master provides to help his disciples walk on the righteous path.
When I don’t know how to proceed with something, the Fa would tell me. When I wasn’t sure about something, I asked myself: Is this what Dafa requires? Is this what Master needs? Master said, “A Dafa disciple should put the Fa first in everything he does. Whenever you evaluate something, you have to consider the Fa first.” (“Fa Teaching Given at the 2002 Conference in Boston, U.S.A.”)
I will completely abandon the characteristics of selfishness of the old universe, assimilate to the Fa, fulfill my mission, and achieve enlightenment.
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Category: Improving Oneself
