(Minghui.org) One of the most important aspects of our lives is how we communicate with others. Many interpersonal problems people have these days happen because we are not aware of how to communicate effectively and compassionately. Instead of really listening and understanding the needs of the other person, we look for answers to our own questions. This prevents genuine and constructive communication.
I recently witnessed several situations that helped me reflect on this issue, and I’d like to tell you about two of them.
One day, during an experience-sharing with other practitioners, a friend of mine (alias: Sara) talked about her struggles. She had been going through many challenges and spoke with mixed feelings—she talked about her career, personal grievances, and her loneliness.
But another practitioner, Lili (alias), kept interrupting her with question after question. Lili wanted to know every detail of Sara’s life. Instead of allowing her to tell her story, Lili repeatedly cut her off and forced Sara to answer questions she may not have wanted to. It became clear that Lili was not truly trying to understand what Sara was going through, but was seeking information. Sara lost her train of thought, and what could have been a heartfelt sharing turned into a pressured exchange. I thought to myself, “This is so wrong. Why so much curiosity? Doesn’t Lili see she is making Sara uncomfortable and stopping her from speaking freely?”
In another case, a practitioner named Aylar (alias) told me that she visited a friend who was having difficulties. At first, she thought she was there to help, but soon realized that her true motivation was curiosity. She found herself more interested in who was coming and going at her friend’s house and what was happening there than in genuinely offering support.
Looking Inward and Discovering My Own Attachment to Curiosity
After I witnessed these situations, I asked myself: “Why am I seeing this? I’m not a curious person, am I?”
But when I looked inward, I realized that I had the same problem—it was just hidden under what I thought was “caring.”
When my daughter was telling me a story about her friends, I kept interrupting her with questions. She had barely spoken a few sentences before I started: “What was your friend’s name? Why did she say that? Who is her family? How many of you were there? Where did you go afterward?” and so on.
I thought I was being protective and caring, but in reality, I was being nosy. My daughter grew uncomfortable, paused, and then said with difficulty: “Mom, I’m an adult now. I’m married and responsible for a family. Even my husband doesn’t ask me so many questions.”
I tried to excuse myself by saying, “I’m just concerned as your mother.” But deep down, I realized it was actually my hidden attachment—my curiosity—driving me.
Curiosity and Its Impact on Communication
Unnecessary curiosity can be a serious obstacle in human relationships. Instead of giving the speaker the freedom to share what they wish to say, we burden them with psychological pressure and make them feel uneasy.
The better way is simply to listen with an open heart—without judgment or probing questions. When we actively listen, we respect the speaker’s feelings. Through eye contact, attentiveness, and presence, we let them know they are valued and understood. This not only strengthens trust but also deepens relationships.
Changing My Mindset
Master said:
“In genuine cultivation one must cultivate one’s own heart and inner self. One should search inside oneself rather than outside.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
These words struck me deeply. I realized that others’ behavior reflected mine. I judged them but ignored my own shortcomings. Once I recognized this attachment, I resolved to change my mindset.
I told myself: “When my daughter speaks, I will let her say whatever she wishes. I don’t need to know everything. Whatever she feels is right to share, that is enough. My role is just to listen, without unnecessary questions.”
The result was remarkable. Just recently, my daughter shared her feelings with me, and I simply listened. At the end, she said, “Mom, you were really good today. I was able to finish what I wanted to say without feeling pressured. You’ve really changed.”
In that moment, I saw clearly that letting go of curiosity not only benefits me, but also those around me. My daughter now feels more comfortable speaking with me, and our relationship has become warmer and closer.
Uplifting Myself By Letting Go
Master said:
“When you give up attachments, your level will ascend.” (Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun)
Master’s words are like a bright lamp that guides me forward. They remind me that cultivation is about constantly examining my heart, letting go of attachments, and truly living by Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance.
I am endlessly grateful to our compassionate and precious Master for showing us this clear path.
Articles in which cultivators share their understandings typically reflect an individual's perception at a point in time based on their cultivation state, and they are offered in the spirit of enabling mutual elevation.
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Category: Cultivation Insights
