(Minghui.org) I’m 73 and I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1996. Eight years ago, I learned that my husband was having an affair. He didn’t want a divorce, but he had to interact with the woman because she worked at his company. I later became involved in the company so I saw her every day. My husband claimed this was only a casual work-related relationship.
As a practitioner, I knew I had to let go of my attachment to my husband. At first, I was constantly caught up in feelings of love even though I studied the Fa every day. My heart was torn by jealousy, resentment, and indignation. Although I managed to let go of these emotions several times, they returned, and I struggled painfully with the turmoil.
Through extensive Fa study and reading articles on Minghui.org written by practitioners who had similar experiences, under Master’s compassionate guidance I finally enlightened to the Fa principles and woke up. I freed myself from emotional struggles, and felt peaceful. I’d like to sharing my long cultivation journey to help fellow practitioners who may be troubled by emotions.
I grew up in a traditional family. My mother and aunt were both devout Buddhists. They taught me and my sisters to be honest and kind, and that women should be virtuous and diligent so the family would be harmonious. When I married I held myself to this standard. I devoted all my spare time to managing our small family, and poured all my love into my husband and daughter. My whole being was immersed in emotion and sentimentality.
When my husband was young, he was frail and often had fevers and colds. As an adult, he felt exhausted when he came home from work. I didn’t ask him to do anything extra. I looked after him and raised our daughter. He became spoiled and was inconsiderate. He depended on others for everything.
Although I’m small I work hard because I always wanted to be praised. At work, I moved from the factory floor to an office job, and I eventually became a middle-level manager.I Discover My Husband Is Having an Affair
I treated my husband’s parents better than my own. I visited them every Sunday and bought them food. My in-laws, aunt, and brother-in-law’s families all came to my house for the holidays, and I prepared delicious meals for them. My parents-in-law moved in with us in their later years, and I single-handedly cared for my father-in-law, who was then 93 and had a heart attack. My mother-in-law was 85, paralyzed from a stroke, and was unable to care for herself. After my father-in-law’s condition improved he moved out of our home when he was 98. My mother-in-law’s health also improved; she could walk slowly and take care of herself.
They acknowledged my hard work and sacrifice over the years and appreciated my efforts. My mother-in-law insisted on giving me 60,000 yuan, but I politely declined, saying it was my duty. My husband lived a happy life, enjoying the warmth of our family. He often said that he and his family were indebted to me.
After my in-laws moved out, I noticed that my husband acted strangely. He always seemed to be busy with work, didn’t take any days off for holidays, and he came home late. He seldom talked to me. Then one day, I discovered he’d been having an affair with a woman who was a technical employee at the factory. Everyone in his work unit knew about it.
I wept when I heard this. I couldn’t concentrate when I read the Fa. When I did the exercises, all I could see were scenes of my husband and that woman together. I hated myself for being so foolish. I thought I was a good wife and mother, but in reality, I was just a fool. I took care of him and his parents. I complained about this injustice: “I worked so hard for years: I managed our home, raised our daughter, and took care of his parents, only to be betrayed and hurt by him. How could this happen?” I forgot that I was a cultivator and spent the entire day hating him.
I told my sister (who is also a practitioner) what happened. She was shocked, and said it was the atheism promoted by the Chinese Communist Party that destroyed traditional culture and corrupted society, turning a once gentle, polite, and knowledgeable man into a scumbag and a hypocrite.
I gradually calmed down after my sister and I studied the Fa and discussed the issue. I remembered that, as a Dafa practitioner, the purpose of cultivation and being a human is to transcend the human world and return to one’s true nature. Wasn’t my hatred and pain rooted in my love for my husband? I couldn’t let myself be overwhelmed by ordinary human emotions after so many years of cultivation. I had to pull myself together and act according to what Master said,
“Dafa, the solution for a troubled world,Puts a stop to its downward slide.”(“Illuminating All” in Hong Yin II)
I had a talk with my husband: I pointed out the serious consequences of his actions, which would harm him and generate a lot of karma. If he was willing to change his behavior, we might be able to restore our family. If he couldn’t let go of the other woman and wanted a divorce, I would accept it. After deliberating for a few days, he solemnly stated that he would not divorce me. My heart was as calm as still water. I chose to treat him with compassion and allow him to correct his mistakes.
A Cultivation Opportunity
My husband has always been supportive of my practicing Falun Dafa. He frequently said “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good,” and carried a Falun Dafa amulet. He was especially supportive during the two and a half years I was illegally detained; he regularly visited me and deposited money for me. He wrote letters, and encouraged me to persist in my practice. Thus, he established a connection with Dafa and benefited from it. Reflecting on our discussion, it was the first time I understood his affair from the Fa, and I started to let go of my emotional attachment to him.
On the surface, our lives returned to being peaceful. However, in reality, I hadn’t completely let go of my love for my husband. A second test occurred. After my husband retired, he and some former colleagues managed an outside company. I didn’t know which colleagues he worked with until their building closed and they rented the basement of the building where we lived. Then, the other partners resigned, leaving only my husband and this woman. I saw them together every day. They even ate lunch. I felt disgusted seeing them, and my anger flared up again. They later hired two more staff members.
The resentment, jealousy, helplessness, and even hatred toward them was a constant irritation. I barely held on by studying the Fa, doing the exercises, and occasionally going out to clarify the truth. During this second opportunity to let go of sentimentality, I would let go of my feelings and then cling to them. After repeatedly going through this process, I felt I finally overcame the pain and depression. However, cultivation is a serious matter. If you cling to even a bit of emotion and its attachments, they will be exposed. First, the old forces want to pull you down, and second, Master will test you.
When the company employees went on a trip with their families, I was again tested to see whether I let go of my emotions and attachments. During the trip, the woman openly fawned over my husband, pampered him, and cared for him in front of everyone—she acted as though I wasn’t there. She even yelled at me to provoke me. I forced myself to remain calm and tolerate her behavior. But my feelings of hatred, jealousy, and loss of face soon surfaced. I couldn’t hold back and became angry with my husband. In that atmosphere of humiliation and bullying, I felt like a third wheel. My heart was torn with pain.
Back at the hotel, I asked myself why I felt so angry. Was I still a cultivator? Only then did I begin to wake up and confess to Master that I hadn’t passed this test. If I had eliminated those attachments, would she be so brazen? Wasn’t she targeting my attachment? I realized I only superficially suppressed my emotions, not addressed the root cause. Such superficial peace was fragile. For so many years, I hadn’t been able to let go of my sentimentality for my husband. Wasn’t it because I longed for human affection?
When I viewed this situation as a cultivator, I was moved by Master’s compassion. How fortunate was I to be rescued from hell and cleansed by Master to return to my true home in heaven! How could I view this situation with ordinary people’s reasoning? Was it an accident that my husband and I married in this life, and that a woman destroyed our family? Everything was the result of karma from past lives. Perhaps I owed my husband something from a past life, and perhaps I hurt that woman in a previous life. I’m repaying the karma now. Why was I clinging to emotion and tormenting myself?
I felt a sense of relief after enlightening to the situation from the perspective of the Fa. I knew that from then on, ordinary human emotions would no longer affect me.
Looking back on those eight long years, I wasted a lot of time in my cultivation by clinging to emotions and their attachments. From now on, I will devote more time to studying the Fa, and improving myself in the Fa. I will treat my husband and the other woman as sentient beings, with compassion.
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Category: Improving Oneself
