(Minghui.org)
Greetings, Master! Greetings, fellow practitioners!
Many things have happened in the past three years, and much has changed. I would like to report my cultivation experiences and insights to Master and examine my cultivation state during this Fa conference.
Fundamental Attachment
During a discussion with a practitioner about “fundamental attachments,” he shared that he hadn’t truly looked inward into every thought and action over the past few years, thus obscuring many of his attachments, especially his fundamental attachment.
He had been memorizing and studying the Fa recently, and had also read fellow practitioners’ sharing articles on Minghui.org. Only then did he truly find his fundamental attachment, which was his desire to be liberated from the suffering of the cycle of birth, old age, sickness, and death, and to attain the great freedom of Buddhahood. However, this was based on the selfishness of the old universe, which was contrary to the Master’s teachings that we should cultivate to achieve selflessness, putting others before ourselves.
His words resonated with me. I looked within and reflected on my experience of obtaining the Fa to find my fundamental attachment.
I was removed from my position because of an incident. I went from holding an enviable position to becoming an ordinary employee overnight. The immense sense of loss and bitterness were truly unbearable. Going to work became difficult. I worried about how to interact with my colleagues and wondered if anyone would even acknowledge me—and were they sincere? These questions occupied my mind. Meanwhile, rumors about me were rampant in the workplace. I felt suffocated by the disdainful looks, gossip, sarcastic remarks, and people laughing at me for failing.
I started to practice Falun Dafa after the incident, and I found a safe haven to escape the entanglements of fame and gain. That made me think that my fundamental attachment was the desire for fame and gain.
But even fundamental attachments have roots, so I looked deeper to expose those roots. It was already wrong to try to find spiritual comfort through Dafa. Using Dafa to cover up one’s attachments is another mistake. At the same time, I had strong desires, including a desire for fame and gain, a desire to save face, a desire to cover up things, a desire to not admit defeat, a desire to compete, and a dirty thought of using Dafa.
All desires revolve around “me” and a big thing hidden behind “me” is selfishness, which is the true fundamental attachment that I must eliminate. Whether someone started practicing Falun Dafa due to illness or other reasons, the person actually wanted to use Dafa to do something, gain something, or achieve some goal. In essence, this starting point for cultivation was driven by selfishness.
Other attachments are also related to selfishness. For example, being competitive to avoid being harmed; not minding one’s speech to win arguments and avoid being bullied, and even if one is in the wrong, one doesn’t want to lose the argument. We look down on fellow practitioners because we are afraid they will cause trouble for us and affect us. The core of Party culture is self-interest. All kinds of attachments are born of selfishness, which is the reason for the deviation and destruction of the old universe.
Troubled by Emotions
I’ve been divorced from my wife for more than 10 years, and our daughter has always lived with her, so my feelings for my daughter have been quite distant. When practitioners asked me about her, I would always reply, “She has her own destiny. It’s not up to me to decide.”
Some practitioners understood my attitude, while others said I was irresponsible. But my current situation doesn’t allow me to create unnecessary difficulties or complications. Rather than forcing things, it’s better to let nature take its course. If we’re destined to meet again, we will; if not, why should we bother each other? This was my mindset for a long time.
My daughter took the college entrance exam this year, and my heart was no longer at peace. Emotions sprung up like mushrooms after a rain. My prior reasoning seemed quite valid on the surface. I didn’t usually pay much attention to her studies, but when it came to the college entrance exam, I should at least show some concern and know something about her. I should know enough to answer confidently if family and friends asked about her progress, her score, or to which school she was accepted.
These reasons were selfish, merely a way of getting by, rather than a genuine concern for her.
I looked into what universities she could get into with her scores, and I searched online for the past three years’ admission scores and major-specific admission scores for each university, as well as the pros and cons of which major to choose. I often searched past midnight, forgetting to send forth righteous thoughts. Sometimes, I would start searching again right after I made breakfast—and then forget to eat it. This went on for several days in a row.
I even contacted my ex-wife once to discuss our daughter’s college applications and choice of major, but she hung up on me before I could finish what I had to say, telling me not to interfere. My stubbornness flared up. So I continued to search, inquire, and contact schools by phone. Those few days left me mentally exhausted and confused, my mind filled with nothing but grades and schools.
I then realized that this was not right. I am a cultivator. How could I be so easily swayed by emotions! Her grades were good enough for a vocational college and a good major. How bad could things get? Why was I so worried about it?
I asked myself a few questions. Was it my own cultivation state that had caused her unsatisfactory grades? Seeing other practitioners’ children making good grades, (even my own nephew and niece scored over a hundred points higher than she did on the college entrance exam), did I feel a sense of embarrassment and inferiority? Was it because I had neglected my child before, harboring the belief that if I cultivated myself well, she would naturally do well? These were all attachments and human notions.
I had another emotional conflict, this one between me and my eldest sister and her husdand. At the same time, the authorities kept harassing my family because I practice, making them feel depressed. So they spoke rudely to me. Even my older sister, who loved me the most, sided with them and scolded and berated me. I was in a bad mood, too.
One day, I got so emotional that I almost hit my sister’s husband. He was drunk again and was acting crazy that day—he even threatened to beat me. I had always disliked him for being an alcoholic. When he was drunk, he would beat his wife, and one time he nearly choked her to death. I thought, “I’ve put up with you for almost 20 years, and now you want to beat me?”
I clenched my fist, wanting to punch him, but he flinched in fear. I lowered my hand. After all, he had studied Master’s new scriptures, and he had helped me move equipment for a Dafa project several times when the authorities were harassing me. I shouldn’t have gotten so angry anyway, because I am a practitioner.
My sister came over afterward to console me and told me to let it go. I figured this was Master using her words to enlighten me. I later realized the seriousness of the problem. I could no longer allow the old forces to harass my family, create conflicts and distance between us, disrupt my cultivation environment, and interfere with my ability to do the three things. I absolutely could not fall for their tricks. So I apologized to my family, stopped being obsessed over it all, and soon the matter was over.
Walking the Final Stretch of the Journey Well
I am distressed about the current difficulties of our situation. Over the years, some practitioners in our area have become more mature and steady, while some experienced sickness karma, some have passed away, some have stayed at home, some have gone into hiding, some became engrossed in family life, some grew lazy and complacent, some played on their phones and watched videos, and some became obsessed with the power grabbing fights within the Chinese Communist Party (CCP). The number of material printing sites and Fa study groups has decreased, and there are fewer practitioners who can do things, all while the persecution continues.
One member of the truth-clarification team was arrested, and her house was ransacked. This caused quite a stir among local practitioners. At first, no one volunteered to fill the position. We asked Master for help, and a practitioner soon stepped forward. However, some practitioners doubted if she was the right candidate for the team since she was too slow-paced.
However, we were struggling to find any candidate. Since she was willing to do it, we should follow Master’s arrangements.
The first step was for me to teach her how to ride a bike. She was elderly and had poor eyesight. She worked very hard, making progress little by little. She went from not knowing how to ride a bike to being able to, and she went from being afraid of giving a passenger a ride to being able to ride around the streets and alleys with a team member. She finally did it. In particular, her spirit of not being afraid of hardship and her persistence were truly invaluable.
She also took on the task of passing on the names of people who had withdrawn from the CCP and its affiliated organizations. But she had very limited education, so I had to start from scratch to teach her Chinese characters. I bought her a phonetic chart and started teaching her from “a, o, e,” explaining what consonants and vowels are, how to combine them, and how to pronounce them. I bought her a Chinese dictionary and taught her how to use it to look up Chinese characters. I also gave her a book, The Hundred Family Surnames, so she could read the stories and memorize the surnames.
Another practitioner gave her several calligraphy practice books so she could practice writing. She worked very hard. The team cooperated very well, and they often brought back several pages of names of people who had withdrawn from the CCP. Her handwriting also improved. We are all happy for her.
Conclusion
I shared with a practitioner that I had a feeling recently that I had returned to the state I was in when I first started cultivating. All my old bad habits and notions had resurfaced. I likened it to a “rework.” My understanding at the time was that, whether you think you’ve cultivated well or not, your understanding is actually limited to your own level and perspective. Master can truly see things most accurately. As long as you have attachments, or areas where your cultivation is not solid, you must rework them.
Master said,
“You will be made to abandon all those attachments that you cannot give up among everyday people. As long as you have them, all of those attachments must be removed in different environments. You will be made to stumble, whereby you will become enlightened to the Tao. This is how you go through cultivation.” (Lecture Four, Zhuan Falun)
As cultivators, which human attachments should not be let go? As long as it is an attachment, there is nothing to hesitate about, negotiate for, or retreat from. Cultivation means letting go.
Please point out where I need to improve.
(Selected submission for the 22nd China Fa Conference on Minghui.org)
Copyright © 1999-2025 Minghui.org. All rights reserved.
