(Minghui.org) After Master Li published “The Ordeals Our Spiritual Discipline Faces” and “A Wake-Up Call” in June 2024, I reflected on my cultivation over the last year. I found many issues and attachments that I had not noticed before. I would like to share that experience.
I have two bosses at work, Anqiang and Ben, and I am their only employee. Anqiang oversees the technical aspects of the business, and Ben oversees the daily operations. Anqiang and I both work with customers and earn commissions. We help each other, and when either of us gets a large order, we work together and split the commission. Our relationship has always been harmonious.
At the beginning of 2024, I received a large order worth 25,000 yuan. After we finished negotiating the deal with the customer, Anqiang and Ben were pleased. Twice, I told Anqiang that we could work together and split the commission equally. But each time he said he would only help to ensure the job was done well to satisfy the customer, and he would not take any part of the commission.
This job was highly profitable, but it also required much more effort and was time-consuming. Thinking that Anqiang didn’t want any part of the commission, I handled the main part of the job myself and had him help on the easier, smaller part. As the project progressed, the customer paid the first installment of 10,000 yuan, all recorded under my name. However, I planned to give 5,000 yuan to Anqiang when I received the final installment of 15,000 yuan, regardless of his contribution to the work. I believed that, as a practitioner, I couldn’t let him help me for nothing. This was my plan, but I hadn’t yet discussed it with him.
In May, around the time of the final payment, Ben told me he had already entered the remaining 15,000 yuan into the company’s May Achievement account in advance for easier bookkeeping. Ben then added that Anqiang and I would split the commission for the 15,000 yuan equally. He emphasized that the first installment of 10,000 yuan was recorded under my name only, but that the remaining 15,000 yuan would be split equally between Anqiang and me. I said, “Okay, no problem.” However, I was not okay inside.
I appeared calm, but thought, “I have done so much on this job and worked myself to the bone; he did almost nothing, yet he will pocket the commission on 7,500 yuan.” Then I recalled that I had helped him complete a 2,000-yuan job a while before and had not asked for a penny; I expected him to treat me the same way this time. I felt hurt and upset that he would accept the money. I thought, “I’ll treat you the same way next time!”
I immediately realized that this thought was wrong. I told myself, “I am a cultivator; I cannot do that. I must walk my path correctly and not be swayed by what others do; I cannot lower my standards because of others’ actions.”
I worked as usual without showing any dissatisfaction. However, I still felt disturbed inside whenever I thought about this incident. My unease lasted for quite a while, and I felt as if a fish bone was stuck in my throat. I knew I should look deeply within myself for the reason, as it must be hidden attachments causing me to feel upset.
I asked myself, “Why do I feel so resentful? Does this feeling stem from resentment? Where does the resentment originate?” At that moment, I saw one of my attachments—the desire for something.
I searched deeper and asked myself, “Am I seeking personal gain? Not really, it’s not that important. Then what am I pursuing?” I realized that I was seeking fame and affection. I could take the material rewards lightly, but I wanted others to recognize what I did, be grateful, and remember my kindness. What I was really after was fulfilling my emotional desires. When the other person didn’t respond as I expected, I felt unsatisfied and resentful. I came to understand that I was pursuing these things for emotional satisfaction.
This was the first time I realized that my need for emotional fulfillment is a form of pursuit! I also recalled how I used to say to friends, “If we didn’t want anything in return, why would we do it?” Isn’t “wanting something in return” a form of pursuit? After I began cultivating, I learned to let go of the attachment to personal gain, so I seemed less demanding in terms of material things. It wasn’t until now that I found this attachment to emotional fulfillment and realized it was a deeply hidden pursuit I had not worked on or eliminated. When I helped someone, I expected his acknowledgment and appreciation.
I have always wanted to reach a state of giving anonymously, but I found it very difficult to do. When I did something for someone without them knowing, I felt restless and uneasy; I really hoped that they would see it. I realized this was an attachment to fame and that the attachment had grown strong.
I also found my attachment to jealousy. When I first joined this company, I thought Anqiang wasn’t very skilled, that he might be at the level of an intern. So I taught him everything I knew and helped him with things he couldn’t do well. I did this voluntarily. Although his skills improved, I saw them as average. When customers chose him over me, when his sales surpassed mine, or when he had more customers than me, I was unhappy. I thought to myself, “With his skills, why would some customers choose him? They really don’t know what they’re doing!”
I also recalled when Anqiang worked on a project some time ago, and I helped him on the side. As I watched him work, I started to gloat and felt a sense of superiority, thinking, “The customer didn’t hire me, so the work will be terrible.” I then realized that I was jealous; I even noticed that my expression when jealousy took over was very ugly.
I then wondered what triggered my jealousy. I realized that my desires for fame and personal gain, especially fame, had been thwarted. I thought Anqiang was not as capable as I was, yet he had greater success. I felt that my self-image was diminished, and I became upset. I also found that I tended to instruct others, thinking that my skills were better. I looked down on others and always wanted to teach them.
A practitioner wrote in his experience-sharing article that if one failed to feel happy for others’ happiness, he was jealous. I realized that I was jealous: When Anqiang did well, I felt upset and focused on his shortcomings instead of being happy for him. When driven by jealousy, one’s thoughts will be contrary to the characteristics of the universe, and become demonic and selfish. This is unacceptable for a Falun Dafa practitioner. I realized that I must discard jealousy and become a compassionate cultivator.
Furthermore, my attachment to self-interest was still strong. I was disturbed over small losses because my self-interest was not fulfilled. I came to understand that self-interest does not refer only to material things, that it manifests in all areas of life. Self-interest involves anything that benefits us or makes things convenient for us. It is an attachment that must be eliminated.
Through this experience, I found my attachments to self-interest, jealousy, a competitive mentality, and resentment. I also came to understand that these attachments are intertwined and mutually reinforcing, with selfishness at their core. It was when my selfishness was touched upon that I felt disrespected. The process of eliminating these attachments is about discarding selfishness and returning to my original true nature.
Now, I treasure this experience and sincerely believe that it was good that it happened. It exposed my deeply hidden human notions and attachments that I had been unaware of. I no longer have any resentment fo Anqiang, and my heart is truly at peace.
I tend to think negatively. Upon encountering issues, I will think the situation is much worse than it actually is because I lack strong righteous thoughts. For example, when a minor issue happened halfway through a large order I was working on, the customer was unhappy and kept finding things that were not done well. In the past, he trusted me, but after this minor issue, it seemed he no longer did. It is normal for customers to have concerns at this stage of a project because it isn’t finished yet and there is still a final touch-up process to complete.
However, the customer’s dissatisfaction stirred my heart. I knew, in theory, that the dissatisfaction would go away once the project was completed. But since I lacked experience handling such a large project, the customer’s reaction disturbed me. During that time, I was constantly worried about what might happen next and what I should do if the customer was still unsatisfied after the project was completed. Negative thoughts took over, and I felt heavyhearted.
One day, it suddenly occurred to me that I should handle the situation with righteous thoughts. I am a Falun Dafa practitioner, and regardless of any karmic ties I may have had with this person in the past, I should resolve the situation kindly based on the Fa. I must not let the old forces take advantage of the situation and interfere with my cultivation. I should also believe that I can handle this well! I sent righteous thoughts to eliminate the evil factors interfering with this matter.
This wasn’t an easy job. I encountered many difficulties and was exhausted after just the first half. At the start of the second half, I realized I should send righteous thoughts to eliminate the interfering factors. That morning, I sent righteous thoughts as I worked, and I didn’t feel tired at all. In fact, I worked much faster, with fewer difficulties, and finished the job ahead of schedule. After completing the job, the customer and his family were quite satisfied; all the previous issues disappeared.
This experience taught me an important lesson: Falun Dafa practitioners must maintain righteous thoughts. When we have strong righteous thoughts, miracles can happen everywhere.
After reading Master’s scriptures “The Ordeals Our Spiritual Discipline Faces” and “A Wake-Up Call,” I found my recent problems in cultivation: I had become complacent in my cultivation, and it had become more of a formality. Although I had done many things, I hadn’t put my heart into them; I was simply going through the motions.
For example, I’d recently started memorizing the Fa during my break at work. It seemed that I was diligent, but as soon as I finished the memorization, I felt done for the day and resumed my ordinary life. I did not take the Fa into my heart and did not hold myself to the standards of the Fa when things happened.
Although I consistently did the three things, I did them merely as a formality. I was relaxed and self-satisfied, pursuing comfort. I thought that, as long as I continued doing things to help Master save lives, I was cultivating and that was good enough. I only became focused when I clarified the truth to people about Falun Gong and the persecution, and even then I thought about how much I had done. I did not pay much attention to whether I was truly cultivating myself through the experiences. Sometimes I ignored my own problems, unwilling to face and overcome them. My main consciousness became numb, and after a while, I became indistinguishable from an ordinary person. A lot of my time was spent in a state in which I was not genuinely cultivating, yet I still felt quite content. Thus, my cultivation state remained unchanged without any breakthroughs for a long time.
While I was reading “A Wake-Up Call,” I felt as if Master’s every word was speaking directly to me. I am deeply grateful to Master for awakening me, helping me see my shortcomings, and giving me the opportunity to correct myself. I will diligently cultivate myself in the days to come and live up to Master’s compassionate salvation!