(Minghui.org) The Fa conference is an indispensable part of our cultivation. It offers an opportunity for us to identify our shortcomings, learn from each other, and improve together. I would like to share my recent experience.
Unswayed by Human Sentiment
One afternoon in 2020, the police called my son and said they wanted to come to our house. I didn’t want to see them, so I went out to clarify the truth about Falun Gong (also called Falun Dafa). The next day, the police called my son again. I thought, “The police should be saved too. I will meet with them.”
They arrived at around 4:00 p.m. I welcomed them with tea. One officer asked me, “Are you still practicing?” I responded, “Falun Gong is so good. It has spread to over 100 countries worldwide. Having faith is a right that every citizen possesses. The standard of right and wrong is determined by Heaven, not by any individual, country, or authority. Falun Gong is nothing but beneficial to society and families.”
I continued, “I will practice Falun Dafa to the end and walk the path arranged by Master Li. If everyone believed that Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance are good, would this society still be so chaotic? Good and evil have different consequences, which is a universal principle. I sincerely hope that all of you will have a good future and stop participating in the persecution of Falun Gong. You are committing crimes, do you know that? You must be responsible for your life and your family.”
As they were about to leave, I told them to remember that Falun Dafa is good and Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance are good.
The next day, an officer called my son and said, “Your mother is very stubborn. You should try to persuade her [to stop practicing], otherwise we will report to higher authorities and have her arrested.” My son was frightened because I have already been persecuted and arrested several times, which had distressed him greatly.
That day, my second son arrived and said, “The police want us to take pictures and videos of you.” I replied, “I will not do it.” I went out to the market to talk with people about Falun Gong. That evening, I was making dumplings when my sons came in and said loudly, “Mom, you are making trouble for us!” I said, “I have Master to protect me. I know you’re afraid that I will be arrested, but can you protect me?” They shouted, “If you get arrested again, don’t ever come back to this house!” I responded, “I will cultivate to the end. No one can change my heart. I believe in Dafa! I believe in Master! No one can touch me!"
Tears streamed down my face. I stopped making dumplings and went into my bedroom. I listened to recordings of Master’s lectures and heard Master say that evil cannot prevail over good.
I visited a fellow practitioner’s home and shared what had happened over the past two days. Looking inward is a magical weapon. Why did my sons cooperate with the police? It was because I was afraid of being persecuted and I resented my sons for not speaking up for Dafa. Wasn’t I being too dependent on everyday people? Cultivation is one’s own business. Everything that happens is a test of a cultivator’s heart.
I had let human sentiment affect me, which caused me to argue with my sons. In reality, no one can move me.
Half an hour later, I returned home. My son opened the door with a grin and asked, “Would you like the dumplings boiled or fried?” I said, “I don’t want any.” He added, “I shouldn’t have lost my temper. It was all my fault.” My sons seemed like completely different people, as if nothing had happened.
The Consequence of Liking Compliments
After that incident, I continued talking with people about the persecution and Falun Gong and doing housework. However, I did not truly look inward to identify my mistakes.
The family environment suddenly changed. Every day when my son came home from work, he threw a tantrum as soon as he walked in. He complained about almost everything, such as the food not tasting good, the table not being clean, and so on. I thought to myself, I’ve cooked for you for so many years, when did it suddenly not taste good anymore?” He said, “You’re either studying the Fa or practicing the exercises all day long. You don’t treat this place as your home at all.”
I felt very sad upon hearing that. I thought to myself, I am a practitioner. I shouldn’t let his words bother me. But sometimes I couldn’t help arguing with him. Afterwards, I regretted not acting like a practitioner.
Over time, I grew resentful, feeling like he was being unfair to me, “I raised you. Now I do all the housework and you’re still not satisfied. I am only healthy today because I practice Falun Dafa, enabling me to take care of the family.”
When I looked inward, I was merely looking at the surface of the problem instead of digging to the root. I judged right and wrong from a human perspective, forgetting that I am a practitioner.
My daughter-in-law said to me, “He’s actually very nice to everyone. Why does he always pick on you?” I replied, “It’s because I haven’t done well in my cultivation. He’s helping me improve.”
My daughter-in-law is very supportive of my practice of Falun Dafa. She has also read the Dafa books. Sometimes, when my son complained, she would say, “Don’t be so picky. We’re lucky to have our meals prepared for us. Getting angry is the biggest disrespect to your mother.”
I still hadn’t identified the root of my problem. I was being led astray by my false ego, unable to practice basic forbearance, let alone kindness. I told myself that I should let go of my human notions and use the Fa principles to evaluate myself.
I used this moment to look inward and realized I like hearing compliments. This feeling was buried deep inside. I like to be praised and to feel superior. I also have a strong sense of vanity, and many other attachments like jealousy, competitiveness, zealotry, resentment, a desire to show off, a desire for fame, self-righteousness, among others.
Ultimately, it’s because I can’t let go of my ego. I’m selfish and don’t see things from the perspective of Dafa. I’m using human notions to superficially judge right and wrong, which is why I’m progressing very slowly in cultivation. I want to eliminate all my attachments from the root.
In fact, this desire for compliments has its origin. When I was young, I worked in a garment factory. I was strict with myself and performed well at work. My mentor often praised me. Over time, I became arrogant and believed I was better than others. After I began practicing Falun Dafa, this kind of thinking resurfaced.
I decided to re-examine myself, rectify myself with Dafa, and sincerely pursue my cultivation so that Master would worry less about me.
Looking Inward, Doing the Three Things, and Surviving a Life-or-death Test
I remember it was almost Chinese New Year, and as I went out to clarify the truth, I accidentally missed a step and fell. I got up and felt fine. I continued walking two more streets and talked to a few people that I was predestined to meet. They readily agreed to withdraw from the Chinese Communist Party and its affiliated organizations.
It was already past 4:00 p.m., so I went home to cook dinner. Afterward, I went to my room to study the Fa. My back started hurting so badly that I couldn’t read the book, so I listened to the Fa, sent forth righteous thoughts, and looked inward. I couldn’t lie down. Every movement caused excruciating pain in my back.
I asked Master to strengthen me. I will not allow the old forces to interfere with my body. Dafa created everything about me and I am solely under the care of Master.
During the night, my alarm went off, signaling that it was time to do the exercises. I tried to get up, but my back pain was so severe that I collapsed. Finally, I used all my strength to get out of bed and stand up.
My legs, arms, and whole body trembled with pain. But I persevered and completed all the exercises. For several days in a row, I endured this intense pain, while still doing the three things and housework as usual during the day. However, my back continued to ache. My legs felt heavy, and it was hard to lift them when on the stairs. By the end of the day, my calves were swollen and stiff. I tied my feet to keep them in place when I meditated at night. I said to Master in my heart, “I know you are helping me eliminate karma. Master has endured so much for me. I will overcome this.”
I barely slept because the back pain was worse at night. Throughout this ordeal, my family and fellow practitioners were unaware of my suffering.
I looked inward, sent forth righteous thoughts more often, studied the Fa more, and clarified the truth. My back gradually improved. I am grateful to Master for his great sacrifices and boundless compassion.
Some local practitioners suggested that I rent an apartment and live separately from my son. I recognized that our living arrangement is part of my cultivation environment. Without conflicts, how can I cultivate and improve? Knowing that I should not avoid conflicts, I didn’t move out.
When I found attachments, I let go of my ego, tried to see things from others' perspectives, and considered their needs. My heart became lighter.
My family environment has been helping me cultivate. I have a deep affection for my son. When he was unwilling to listen to the facts about Falun Gong, I worried about his future. Looking inward, I see that it was because of my sentiment. Everyone has their own destiny. When I let go of my attachments to fame, fortune, and feelings, I saw that my son worked very hard for his family.
I’ve eliminated my attachments. My son has changed, too. He and his wife are very caring toward me. Whenever he has a day off, he helps me cook and do the dishes. My daughter-in-law does most of the grocery shopping. Now I happily do the three things every day. Dafa has changed my family and me.
Some time later, I had a very vivid dream. In the dream, I walked into a house and saw a large bed. On the bed was a red coffin and an old woman sitting beside it. I said, “Why is the coffin on the bed?” She said, “This is my house. After I die, I’ll live here.” She asked me, “And you?” I said, “We cultivators don’t follow that path.”
When I woke up, I felt a little scared. I thought to myself, if it weren’t for Master’s blessings, I wouldn’t have survived this life-or-death ordeal. I understood the seriousness of Fa-rectification period cultivation. Each level of cultivation has its standards. If we don’t meet the Fa’s requirements, we will fall and be swayed by worldly fame, gain, and sentimentality, and give up cultivation, or even go to the opposite extreme.
Let us cultivate together diligently and return home with our Master.
(Selected submission for the 22nd China Fa Conference on Minghui.org)
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