(Minghui.org) I was taken to the local brainwashing center in July 2013 because I refused to renounce Falun Dafa. After I was released a month later I stopped practicing. My insomnia worsened and I frequently woke up at night. The slightest sound woke me up, and sometimes I couldn’t go back to sleep. As a result I felt tired and dizzy all day. Because I was irritable the family was under a lot of stress.
One day it occurred to me that I couldn’t go on like that, feeling bitter and tired all day, and lashing out at my child. I finally realized that the only solution was to resume practicing Falun Dafa.
I went to the Falun Dafa official website, and downloaded all the audios, videos, and books. I studied the Fa non-stop and slowly regained my righteous thoughts. I realized that over the past two years I'd developed a warped understandings of the Fa. I searched within to find out why I was taken to the brainwashing center in the first place.
In 2000, soon after the persecution started, I stopped practicing as diligently. Because my wife objected to my practice, I read the Fa less, and when I did, I read secretly. I only practiced the fifth Falun Dafa exercise in the morning, and did not abide by the Fa. My illnesses recurred. When I felt uncomfortable, I blamed my wife for not letting me cultivate. I developed a grudge against her, and often acted out at home. It pained me to admit that I was arrested because I wasn’t genuinely cultivating, and did not deserve to be called a Falun Dafa disciple.
I had no idea how to search within, so I memorized what Master said in Lecture Nine, Zhuan Falun, “In genuine cultivation one must cultivate one’s own heart and inner self. One should search inside oneself rather than outside.” I repeated this phrase every day, hoping to change my habit of always looking outward. To remove my grudge against my wife and father, I repeatedly recited what Master said in “Realms” in Essentials for Further Advancement:
Realms
A wicked person is born of jealousy.
Out of selfishness and anger he complains about unfairness towards himself.
A benevolent person always has a heart of compassion.
With no discontentment or hatred, he takes hardship as joy.
An enlightened person has no attachments at all.
He quietly observes the people of the world deluded by illusions.
These Falun Dafa teachings gradually lessened my attachments to jealousy, fighting, and resentment. My temper also improved.
One day I thought that I should stop resenting my wife and treat her kindly. She didn’t want me to practice because she worried about the negative effects of the persecution on our child. She was a kind person, and sacrificed a lot for this family. My mind became calm and peaceful. The next day, I overheard my wife say to our child, “I’m not upset with your father anymore.” I knew it was because my xinxing improved.
I’ve now made a habit of looking inward for my attachments. When I discover one, I quickly eliminate it. My wife and I seldom fight, and even if we do, our tones are more gentle. We know how to be considerate. Now, we both enjoy improved health.