(Minghui.org) When I began cultivating I realized I had emotional attachments that I needed to let go of. I felt pain and heartbreak because of my attachment to my children even after they were adults.

Master said,

“Those who are attached to affection for family will definitely be burned, entangled, and tormented by it. Pulled by the threads of affection and plagued by them throughout their lives, they will find it too late to regret at the end of their lives.” (“Cultivators’ Avoidances,” Essentials for Further Advancement)

I became aware of this issue the first time I read this, but the “affection for family” kept coming up. I decided to face it and send forth righteous thoughts to eliminate it.

In another dimension I saw that all my attachments were like an unstable stack of blocks. I needed to be careful and not knock them over. I should examine each one, and then eliminate them.

I began by examining affection, which was at the top. It consisted of motherly love, anxiety that something bad would happen to my children, and fear. I found these were difficult to overcome. For a long time, I was afraid to face family conflicts, which made my heart ache. But this time I was determined to face up to, and eliminate these attachments.

After looking inward and reading practitioners’ cultivation experiences, discussing my issues with other practitioners, studying the Fa, and sending forth righteous thoughts, I finally realized that all this is not just “motherly love” I was selfish!

I worried about misfortunes and that children or family members would suffer hardships. But deep down, I was more worried that I might not be able to handle my family’s suffering, or be able to endure this tribulation.

I felt ashamed for being so selfish, but later noticed “feeling ashamed of myself” was also a selfish thought, because I would no longer think of myself as a good mother. I wanted to eliminate the attachment to my children so that they wouldn’t have problems because of me, and so I wouldn’t need to worry about them. This was yet another selfish thought—I wished to make my life easier.

I realized that many of my actions were motivated by selfishness. This was a huge obstacle in my cultivation, and it took me several days to clear it up by sending forth righteous thoughts.

At first, I couldn’t feel the presence of selfishness; It seemed elusive. Then, it felt large, and my body felt uncomfortable. I was able to start clearing it away. I was determined to root it out, leaving it no place to hide.

I also learned that only because I’m a Falun Dafa practitioner was I able to see and eliminate my attachments. I wouldn’t be able to identify and confront these negative things if I did not study the Fa.

I previously attempted to identify my attachments and remove them one by one, but now I know this isn’t feasible, because the attachments are interconnected; if we don’t pay attention, they form a web, wrapping us up and suffocating us.

I firmly believe Master's word: “cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)

Even in the most difficult times, I feel Master is beside me. Affection and selfishness are probably my most deeply-rooted attachments, and I’ve made up my mind to eliminate them, including other issues that I haven’t yet recognized.

Thank you, Master, for your compassionate salvation! Thank you fellow practitioners for your encouragement and support.