(Minghui.org) My mother-in-law passed away a month ago, at the age of 90. With her death our long-standing grievances finally came to an end. For over 20 years, she provided me with constant opportunities to improve my xinxing. Each step of progress was inseparable from Master’s guidance and compassionate protection. There were times of distress when I couldn’t pass the tests, but also joy and a feeling of elevation when my xinxing improved.
Reflecting on my years of cultivation, I realized that every test and hardship left a deep impression on me. Master lifted me out of the abyss and cleansed me. He arranged time and again for me to have opportunities to cultivate.
My resentment toward my mother-in-law ran deep. Before I practiced Falun Dafa, I wondered if I would ever be able to talk with her calmly. If I could do that, my xinxing would be pretty high. Back then, I was preparing to leave home and find a secluded mountain temple where I could escape. I didn’t even want to step foot in her home. Just hearing her voice made my heart race. I resolved that in this lifetime, I must find a path to liberation. However, I was fortunate enough to encounter Dafa, and thus began my winding path of cultivation.
I started practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. I thought that as long as I endured and gave in, I would earn my mother-in-law’s understanding. But I later realized that cultivation wasn’t that simple. Someone told my mother-in-law, “See? She’s able to endure after practicing Falun Dafa.”
But my mother-in-law responded, “That’s because she’s in the wrong.” When she heard, “She gave in to you this time,” she replied, “It’s because she’s afraid of me.” My domineering mother-in-law would never admit she was at fault.
When it came to personal gain I didn’t argue with others, so my mother-in-law called me a fool. She often told people, “My daughter-in-law is such an idiot.” I thought that as a cultivator, I have to cultivate, and learn to restrain myself and eliminate resentment, jealousy, and the desire to fight. I couldn’t say that it was easy, as it was truly hard. When I was upset, I couldn’t explode, I had to endure. That period of time was very painful for me. I told myself that if I owed her from the past I must repay it unconditionally.
I went to Beijing to appeal with over 20 practitioners from my village in 2001. But we were captured and held at the Beijing Detention Center. My father-in-law went to the home of a practitioner who hadn’t gone to Beijing and furiously shouted, “When she comes back, I’ll break her legs!” He even spoke disrespectfully of Master. Not long after that he was diagnosed with lung cancer.
Upon hearing the news that I had been released and would return home, my father-in-law said, “Let her come back. I don’t mind. Anyway, I’m already in this state.” Perhaps he knew he didn’t have much time left. When I got home and saw how ill he was, barely able to breathe, I was overwhelmed with sorrow. I asked him to say, “Falun Dafa is good.”
“It’s too late,” he replied. I asked him if I could read Zhuan Falun to him. He agreed. But, after I just read a few sentences, he struggled and said, “Stop reading! What you’re reading makes me think, but I don’t have the energy to think anymore.” He passed away a few days later in despair. He was deceived by the Chinese Communist Party’s lies, and chose wrongly between good and evil, losing his precious life.
Not long after he died I had a vivid dream, and I saw him. He turned around to face me and lowered his head. He then stared at me with a dazed and pained expression, and said, “I wronged you!” I was stunned. I immediately understood that he meant he had wronged me in regard to Falun Dafa. With a heart full of deep regret, he was apologizing to Dafa and to me. But it was too late.
After my father-in-law passed away, my mother-in-law vented all her anger on me, making things incredibly difficult. One day, she told me to give cooking oil to her daughter. A few days later it was flour, then cotton, then land. I regarded myself as a cultivator and let go of my attachment to personal interest. Although I was upset, I endured with tears and did everything she asked without complaint.
For over 10 years, whenever I encountered family conflicts, I did my best to follow Master’s teachings and look inward unconditionally. Through conflicts, I worked on eliminating resentment, jealousy, and my stubborn fighting mentality.
I served food to my mother-in-law every day for years and also cleaned up her waste. Others saw this as hard, but to me, it was normal. It’s the responsibility and duty of a daughter-in-law. And above all, I’m a cultivator! No matter how hard I tried to do well, in return I was falsely accused, and verbally abused. There were times when I wanted to leave, but I had a strong sense of responsibility—I had to cultivate well to validate the Fa. No matter how badly she treated me, I reminded myself not to resent her. I had to endure, be tolerant, and kind.
Many who knew about my situation were indignant. Various comments were made, such as, “She bullies you because she thinks you’re too soft,” “Your mother-in-law won’t die. You’ll be stuck with her your whole life,” “If it were your sister instead of you, she wouldn’t put up with it.” One practitioner said, “Who knows how much debt you owed her in a past life? It took all these years with her and it still hasn’t been paid off.” I felt I still hadn’t fully reached Master’s requirements for me to progress in cultivation.
I understood that if I hadn’t cultivated, I definitely wouldn’t have gone through all these troubles. This family would have broken apart long ago. I thought of the story in Zhuan Falun, where Han Xin was humiliated by having to crawl between a man’s legs. Compared to that, what I went through was nothing.
Throughout the month before my mother-in-law passed away she seemed possessed, shouting and yelling constantly, day and night. I was physically and mentally exhausted. It pushed me to my limit. For several nights I was awakened by her screaming. Her shouting was so loud that I couldn’t sleep, so I got up to do the exercises. Her daughters tried to help but only stayed for a few days, and then left.
My mother-in-law became mentally unstable. Sometimes, she was clear-headed, other times confused. One moment she accused me of stealing her clothes and giving them to someone else, another time she claimed she gave me money and I gave it away. She ate and then say she hadn’t, urinated and then say she hadn’t, insisting on going to the toilet over and over, sometimes four or five times in a row. If I didn’t comply, she screamed and cursed. She also scolded her daughters, so they made excuses and refused to come and help.
I thought, “This time they [her daughters] have to take care of her. I’ve reached my limit. If they won’t come, then they should at least pay for someone to help. If they won’t help or pay, I’ll have to sue them.”
On second thought I reconsidered. Master wants us to save sentient beings and be kind to others; to think of others first in every situation. If I ask them for money, knowing that they hold onto money like it’s oxygen, wouldn’t they hate me? If they develop resentment toward me, how could I save them? Wouldn’t I be pushing them further away? I can’t do that. Absolutely not!
I decided to let it go. I wouldn’t ask for money, nor would I ask them to help. I was determined to suffer on my own. I thought to myself, Master said, “Eating bitterness treated as joy.” (“Tempering One’s Heart and Will” in Hong Yin) I have already walked this tough road for over 10 years. My mother-in-law was 90 at the time. No matter how long she would live, I would continue caring for her without complaint.
When I had that thought, I felt a lightness, joy, and relief that I never experienced before. From then on, I completely let go of resentment, the urge to fight, and the attachment to personal gain toward her daughters. Over the years of cultivation I repeatedly experienced the wonder and sacredness of letting go of attachments and cultivating a selfless heart.
After I truly developed the thought of caring for her the very next day, my mother-in-law started sleeping deeply and wouldn’t wake up easily. When it was mealtime I had to wake her. Looking back, I realized that all the tribulations I went through were caused by the karmic debts that I owed from my many lifetimes. Master used them to temper, test, and ultimately help me succeed in my cultivation. I can’t imagine how much effort Master has spent on me, who didn’t live up to Dafa’s expectations. Thank you, Master, for your compassion.