(Minghui.org) In today’s Chinese society, there exists a group of people who are kind, selfless and honest—much like a clear stream that washes away impurities. These are the practitioners of Falun Dafa (also called Falun Gong), who adhere to the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance.
Closer than a Biological Mother and Daughter
Before I practiced Falun Dafa, I thought that the most difficult relationship to navigate was between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law.
My mother-in-law is naturally suspicious and has a bad temper. Additionally, her poor health makes it more difficult for her to control her emotions. When things don’t go her way, she becomes angry and starts throwing bowls and pans on the ground. When she lived with her other children, they often quarreled with her, and they all complained about how difficult it was to get along with her.
My relationship with my mother-in-law was like ice and fire. During my 17 years of marriage, I didn’t speak a single word to her. However, everything changed when I began to cultivate Falun Dafa. I adjusted my mindset and behavior according to the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance, and I started treating my mother-in-law with genuine kindness. My changes moved her heart, and over time, she began to respond with sincerity and warmth, as if I were her own daughter.
After my mother-in-law moved in with my family, I took great care of her and treated her in a dignified way, making sure she felt comfortable both physically and mentally.
Due to her poor health, she had almost lost the ability to care for herself. When she stayed with her other children in the summer, my father-in-law, who is also over 80, bathed her once every three days. However, since she has been living with me, I have been bathing her every day. I also assist in getting her get dressed, soak her feet in warm water, scrub and dry them, and put her socks on.
She was always grateful and said to me, “You treat me so well. You’re doing good deeds and accumulating virtue! You’ll be rewarded in the future!”
I responded with a smile, “If you want to thank someone, you’d better thank my teacher, Master Li Hongzhi. I have become a more filial person just because I practice Falun Dafa. The Chinese Communist Party has ruined the morality of our society. How many young people no longer take care of their elderly parents?! Back before 1949, if someone didn’t look after their parents, they’d be condemned and have no place in society!”
“That’s right!” my mother-in-law exclaimed with a sigh. “Nowadays, the TV shows just talk about those bad things. People who learn from them will get corrupted! In the past, no matter how bad a person was, they wouldn’t be this bad. But now, even the good people don’t seem that good anymore!”
Sometimes, when I found my mother-in-law’s underpants soiled, I would wash them without saying a word. Other times, I discovered urine in the bed, and my parents-in-law would blame each other for it. I just smiled and reassured them, saying, “It doesn’t matter who did it. I’ll clean it up. These things are normal as people get older. You already ease a lot of our burden by still being able to walk and take care of yourselves. All I need to do is wash clothes and cook meals for you.” After hearing this, they were both very happy and relieved.
I understand that my mother-in-law is often in a bad mood and easily loses her temper because of her poor health. When she gets angry, I just keep quiet. However, I also have my own emotions to manage. I remind myself that I am cultivating Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance. If I can’t endure the little things, how can I call myself a true cultivator? Sometimes, my mother-in-law apologizes to me for losing her temper. I simply smile and say, “It’s okay.”
My parents-in-law don’t know how to use the TV, so every day before going to work, I set the TV channel for them. After work, I cook meals that they enjoy. Since they have lost their teeth, I prepare very soft food for them – meals that I don’t particularly enjoy myself.
One time, I visited one of my relatives. I joked while I was eating, “I finally have a meal that’s just right, not too soft.” The relative sighed after learning about my situation, and said, “You’ve had a tough time – eating soft food for so long.”
Older people often like to talk about things that happened in the past, so I just listen and give comments occasionally. Sometimes I ask for their advice with genuine humility, such as etiquette, how to pickle vegetables, or tips for daily life. Even when I already have knowledge on these subjects, I still consult them for their opinions. I just want them feel valued and not a burden to their children.
A few days before my mother-in-law left our home to stay with one of her other children, we had a heart-to-heart chat. She said to me with tears in her eyes, “I can’t bear to leave you. I am already used to living here, and now I have to go to a new place.”
I asked, “Why don’t you stay?”
“No, I can’t,” she replied. “I know that you are both kind and respectful to us. But if I stay here all the time, the other children won’t feel any responsibility for us. I gave birth to all of them. Why should only you take care of us? Moreover, both of you are so busy with your fulltime jobs. You even skip lunch yourself and hurry home to cook lunch for us. We feel bad about that. And some of your siblings are better off than you. They have more money and time than you two. It’s their turn to take care of us.”
I smiled and said, “Well, if you go to their home, don’t lose your temper or criticize them whenever you want.” She nodded.
Getting Along With My Daughter-in-law
Before I started practicing Dafa, I was acrimonious, arrogant, and short-tempered. I had a strong personality and was hard to deal with, which almost scared my daughter-in-law away and prevented her from marrying my son.
After my son and daughter-in-law got married and moved in with us, I took great care in looking after her. I took her shopping at the best fashion stores and spoke kindly to her, never raising my voice. Whenever issues arose, I discussed them with her and shared my opinions, instead of insisting she do things my way. When conflicts arose, I chose to not argue with her, and just kept silent.
Whenever she needed assistance, I did my best to offer help and find solutions for her.
When my daughter-in-law first joined our family, I was worried she might feel homesick, so I asked my son to go to her parents with her on weekends. If he was busy, I would ask her colleagues to invite her out to have fun.
One of her colleagues once said to me, “You’re such a good mother-in-law. You encourage your daughter-in-law to see her parents. Nowadays, most mothers-in-law wouldn’t do that. The moment their daughter-in-law mentions going to her parents, they get upset. And if the daughter-in-law wants to go out, they are unhappy.”
I replied, “You have to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. I was once a daughter-in-law too. At the beginning of my marriage, I missed my parents a lot, and often felt lonely.”
These days, it’s common for young people to go on vacation. However, our son had been very busy with work and didn’t have time to go with her. So I encouraged her to go with her friends, and even gave her a few thousand yuan for her trip. She was very touched, but worried about who would take care of their child. I reassured her saying, “Don’t worry, just go and enjoy yourself. It’s a pleasure to look after the grandchild.” Later on, I asked my son to plan a vacation trip for himself, his wife and their child.
One of my colleagues overheard a phone conversation I was having with my daughter-in-law. She commented with admiration, “You have such a great relationship with your daughter-in-law. It’s rare to see such a close bond between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law these days.”
“My daughter-in-law is quite a capable person, and her mother brought her up well,” I replied with a smile.
She continued, “A good relationship needs effort from both sides. Of course, your daughter-in-law is kind and filial, but your genuine care for her is also very important. I remember one time when she came to our office; you made her tea and brought a chair for her. When you noticed she wasn’t dressed warmly enough, you gave her a jacket because you were worried she might get cold. We all joked that you treat your daughter-in-law like your little baby.”
“She wasn’t feeling well at the time. Of course I have to take care of her,” I responded.
Many people around me are envious of the harmonious relationship between my daughter-in-law and me, and they’ve all come to ask for advice on how to improve their relationships with their daughters-in-law.
I said to them, “Actually, it’s very simple. Just treat your daughter-in-law sincerely, care for her and be thoughtful, and be tolerant of her shortcomings. If you can do that, you’ll naturally win her heart.”
My daughter-in-law and I have a very open and honest relationship, and we can talk about anything. When her mother noticed how well we get along, she was very happy and said, “Before my daughter got married, I was quite worried that she might be mistreated by her mother-in-law. But seeing how close you two are now, I’m actually starting to feel a little jealous!”
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