(Minghui.org) I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1995. Dafa healed the pain in my heart, corrected my twisted mindset, and dissolved the resentment I had for my family. I want to share my experience of removing resentment, and express gratitude for Master’s benevolent salvation.
A Difficult Childhood
The resentment between me and my older sister began when we were children. When I was two years old, my sister carried me on her back while playing on a roof beam and accidentally dropped me headfirst to the ground. I survived, but my neck was compressed into my chest cavity, and the pupils in my eyes disappeared. After I started practicing cultivation, I realized that falling from a height of four meters should have killed me. But Master must have protected me.
That fall left me extremely disfigured so people disliked me. The neighborhood children didn’t want to play with me, and my classmates bullied me. My family was poor and because I was malnourished, I couldn’t fight back. I often skipped school.
Just as I decided to start studying seriously, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) launched the Cultural Revolution, destroying my chance for education. As a result, I remained semi-illiterate.
I started babysitting my sister’s children when I was thirteen. She never offered me any money, not even the four cents for bus fare. I had to walk more than 10 bus stops home. At that age, I didn’t know how to speak up for myself.
Four years later, my sister brought me to her mother-in-law’s house. The woman was mentally unstable and often asked me to do unpleasant tasks, like removing worms from cabbages. I didn’t want to touch those big fat green worms with their twisty heads, so I used a stick to pick them off and killed them. My sister’s father-in-law criticized me when I stomped on the worms. He insisted that I crush them with my hands. The moment I squeezed one, I almost fainted.
I began living a nightmare-like life under their roof. Their endless unreasonable demands and harsh blame left me feeling lost and helpless. I truly tasted the bitterness of suffering.
Before I went to bed one night, their entire family of five came into my room. I realized something was wrong and, before they could begin abusing me, I ran away to the nearby mountains and wandered around all night. I was only 17 but, strangely enough, I felt no fear. The tranquil forest seemed filled with a compassionate power that soothed the wounds in my heart. As a child, my mother often told me cultivation stories, and I had a budding thought of wanting to practice cultivation.
During my days with my sister-in-law’s family, I suffered endlessly. I once worked at her father-in-law’s brick kiln cutting tiles (a process in tile-making). He told me I’d be paid by the piece. My family was struggling, so I worked hard and hoped to contribute a little income. But after a year, I wasn’t given a single cent. I couldn’t stand to live in that household any longer, so the production team assigned me to a collective household.
Free from the bondage of my sister-in-law’s family, I felt like a wild horse, full of vitality. Compared to the exhausting labor I was used to, the farm work on the production team was nothing. I was soon rated a “Five-Star Member,” chosen as “Women’s Team Leader,” hired as a “Night School Tutor,” and I later became a “Militia Squad Leader.” At years-end, I received more than 200 yuan in dividends for two years in a row. I never even held as much as 20 yuan before. I dared not handle the money myself, so I asked a classmate in the collective household to help me send the money home. I was hoping my sister would help our mother out with it.
But after my sister received the money, she spent only five yuan to buy Mother a sick piglet. When I found out, I wanted to slap myself. I was filled with regret! Back then, every time I traveled, it was mother who borrowed the money for my fare. She didn’t even have a job—so where did she get the money? My sister never gave me a cent and yet, she withheld the money I sent to mother. How could our mother live without money? Life must have been so hard for her!
My resentment for my sister grew deeper with every conflict. Unexpectedly, it was this very sister who later led me to practice Falun Dafa!
Letting Go of Self-Interest and Resentment
In 1994, my sister said, “Master Li will be lecturing in Harbin, do you want to go?” I was already married, had a stable job, and happened to be on vacation. She said, “If you don’t have money, I’ll lend you some.” My resentment immediately surged. I thought, “You borrowed the money I saved by working hard for years and never paid it back. And now you dare to say you’ll lend me money!” Feeling upset, I refused outright, “I’m not going!” I bought a ticket and took the train home.
Such a twisted, bitter mindset left me with lifelong regret. After stepping into Falun Dafa cultivation in 1995, I finally understood what I missed. Every time I thought of it, my tears flowed. I was filled with deep remorse and could not let it go.
After I married, I scrimped and saved for over 10 years and finally saved 1,300 yuan, which my sister borrowed in two installments. More than 30 years later, she suddenly returned that 1,300 yuan and added, “I won’t pay the interest.” I was furious, and my resentment flared again. I thought: “Back then, that money was the result of a decade of my family’s frugality—it was a huge sum for us. Now you repay only this much, not even one-third of my current monthly income. What you’ve done hurts more than cursing me outright!”
If I wasn’t a practitioner, I would have torn the money to shreds and thrown it at her. But Falun Dafa changed me. I knew that this boiling resentment was wrong. I told myself: “You’re a cultivator. Let it go, let it go, let it go!”
I calmed down, and put away the 1,300 yuan.
Improving Myself and Validating the Greatness of Dafa
My childhood experiences made me develop a vengeful character. I was always ready to retaliate against anyone who wronged me. After I began practicing Falun Dafa, I truly felt as if I had been reborn. Through studying the Fa and doing the exercises, I experienced tremendous changes in both body and mind. I’m in my seventies, yet I don’t take medicine or get injections; I feel light and healthy. Mentally, I’ve improved greatly. I no longer harbor hostility toward anyone, and I can face people with a sincere heart. At work, I was diligent and conscientious and had a very good reputation. A coworker once said with admiration, “I wish I had the kind of reputation you do.”
When I retired, the principal said, “When other people retire, it doesn’t feel like a big deal. But when we heard you were retiring, we [the leadership team] truly felt reluctant to let you go.” They asked me to stay for another six months and even wanted to rehire me. However, by then our Falun Dafa assistance center already had around 200 practitioners, along with a half-dozen Fa study groups. I simply could not spare the time, so I politely declined.
It’s Falun Dafa that helped me break free from the resentment, taught me how to be a truly good person, and guided me to improve continuously. It was Falun Dafa that enabled me to achieve everything I am today. The great changes in both my body and mind are a true manifestation of the boundless power of Dafa!
Letting Go of Resentment
I knew it was difficult for me to get rid of my resentment. Only by writing this article did I truly realize that the resentment I carried for decades was actually my fundamental attachment. After 30 years of cultivation, I never really let it go. Writing all this down has been a process of elevating my xinxing. I carefully examined the root of my resentment—it stemmed from the vengeful mindset I developed after being bullied as a child. It also revealed my hidden attachments to fame, gain, and emotion.
The resentment was also a trap arranged by the old forces. With great compassion, Master repeatedly enlightened me, allowing me to see clearly how terrifying this imposed resentment was. This strengthened my determination to remove this attachment. I cherish this opportunity to truly step out of the vicious cycle of resentment, eliminate it at the root, and reach the realm of selflessness.
I should thank my older sister and her in-laws for providing me with an environment to transform my karma and temper my heart and mind. Without their part, how could I have discovered the deeper attachments hidden behind my resentment? How could I have truly risen above this treacherous, poisonous world? How could I have reached the higher standards that Dafa requires of me?
Looking back, all the “injustices” and grievances I thought I suffered have actually become the greatest blessings in my life.
Articles in which cultivators share their understandings typically reflect an individual's perception at a point in time based on their cultivation state, and they are offered in the spirit of enabling mutual elevation.
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Category: Cultivation Insights
