(Minghui.org) Because my entire family practiced Falun Dafa, I was introduced to Dafa at a very young age. I began cultivating before 1999 and have gone through 26 years of trials and tribulations on my cultivation journey. Recently, through looking inward, I have identified several problems in my cultivation, and I would like to share them with fellow practitioners.
Lately, I have come to realize that, for a long time, I have been accustomed to criticizing and blaming people around me—especially my family members—while still believing that I was right and justified for doing so.
My daughter is now in her second year of middle school. She is intelligent and kind, but I often thought she was just playing clever tricks. As a result, I was sometimes overly harsh with her, even scolding or hitting her.
Looking back now, I wonder if it was my own jealousy at play. Was I envious of my daughter’s innocence and wisdom? Did I use my role as her mother to suppress her innate nature, pushing her to do things according to the ideas and habits I had developed in society?
As I wrote these words, a thought suddenly arose: “How could I possibly be jealous of my own daughter?” Yet I realize now that jealousy can be subtle, concealed beneath the surface, and can manifest in unexpected ways.
My human notions led me to believe that because I am her mother, my views are always right, and as she is my daughter, she must listen to me; and that everything I do is good for her future. In truth, these efforts were attempts to control and dictate the direction of her life.
Now, as I watch my daughter become more mature and a diligent student, I realize her future is being guided by Master. She has already begun cultivating Falun Dafa and is a young fellow practitioner. As her mother, the greatest support I can offer is to hold her hand, walk the path of cultivation alongside her, and remain diligent.
My son began his first year of middle school this year. From a young age, he has demonstrated a strong sense of justice and responsibility, as well as the ability to think independently and distinguish right from wrong.
I often tried to make him obey me through force and punishment, but he didn’t accept it or listen to me at all. He prefers that I speak to him in a gentle and kind tone. Yet, I often educated him using a rigid, authoritarian mindset. I believed that boys needed to be strictly disciplined from an early age; otherwise, as they grew older, they would become uncontrollable and unwilling to listen.
Looking back now, I feeI I have let Master down. Master entrusted this young disciple to me, but I have lacked patience and failed to guide him properly. Although the child also studies the Fa, there have been significant obstacles in his cultivation.
In balancing the roles of mother and fellow practitioner, I often forget that he is also a young fellow disciple.
Master said:
“The child’s true life wasn’t given by you, and he has his place of origin, so he too is an independent being. Raise them with rationality.” (“Teaching the Fa and Answering Questions in Yanji,” Explaining the Teachings of Zhuan Falun)
I realized that if my scolding and physical punishment prevented my child from seeing the goodness of Dafa and the kindness that a cultivator should embody, and as a result prevented him from truly obtaining the Fa, I would bear an enormous responsibility—how could I ever face Master?
My parents are kind, generous and down-to-earth. Yet for a long time, I believed I was better than them. Whenever I noticed they had made mistakes, I would lose my temper, yell at them, and lay blame—instead of genuinely considering what was best for them with a compassionate heart.
In fact, my parents are also cultivators, who are constantly changing and striving to improve themselves as well. Although they are often busy with farm work and have less time to study the Fa, I found myself fixated on their shortcomings. Lacking patience, and with less forbearance, I struggled to communicate with them in a calm and kind manner.
Looking back now, I realize that their path of cultivation is guided by Master. What I really need to do is fulfil my responsibilities as a daughter. Just as other practitioners have reminded me, I should encourage them to study the Fa more and strengthen their righteous thoughts, while cultivating myself well.
Because my husband does not acknowledge Dafa, I had long harbored resentment toward him. I felt that he was beyond saving. Whenever I was with him, I realized that blame and hatred had taken hold of my mind. I looked down on him and spoke to him with disdain.
As I continued to study the Fa, I gradually came to realize that this negative substance was not my true self. So I tried my best to reject it and eliminate it, refusing to let it control me. Instead, I strove to change myself and treat him with kindness and compassion.
As I constantly changed myself, I noticed that my husband was changing as well. Now, those negative feelings of resentment and hatred have become weaker and weaker, and they take up less and less space in my mind and dimensions.
When I calmed down and looked inward, I found that the people around me are actually mirrors reflecting my own problems, they all help me in my cultivation and improvement.
For example, when I saw my child being slow and procrastinating, I realized that I also have the same problem. When I became overly involved in other people’s affairs and even thought of myself a kind person, Master would hint at me through my husband’s words to interfere less in other peoples matters.
Another example is that when I harbored thoughts of lust, both my son and daughter would frequently ask me to buy new clothes for them, and my daughter even fell in love. However, after I became aware of this attachment and tried to eliminate it and correct myself, my daughter later came to tell me that she had broken up with her boyfriend, and my son also stopped standing in front of the mirror every day and being overly concerned with his appearance.
I began to reflect: “Everyone around me, no matter who they are, is actually helping me to cultivate and improve myself. How could I criticize or complain about them? Where is my compassion in all of this?”
When I reflected further, I realized that in my interactions with others, I often placed myself above them. This attitude stemmed from a deep sense of superiority. It caused me to look down on others and become arrogant.
As a result, instead of focusing on how to do well in cultivating myself and doing the three things practitioners should do each day, I tended to look outward. I became accustomed to blaming others and trying to improve them, while neglecting my own practice. Looking back, I have made far too many mistakes in this regard throughout my cultivation journey.
I realized that when I feel I am better than others, it is actually a sign that my cultivation state is poor, and it is a very dangerous state to be in. When I measured myself against the Fa, I saw even more clearly how much I still need to improve. I cannot yet consistently get up early every day to do the exercises. I tend to oversleep, and have an attachment of fear. I need to let go of all of these attachments and shortcomings. With so many areas where I fall short, how could I still think so highly of myself? There is so much for me to work on in my cultivation that I can hardly afford to waste any time. How could I have the time to be critical of anyone else?
To be able to cultivate Dafa in this lifetime is truly the greatest blessing I could ever have. I am deeply grateful to Master for compassionately saving me. I am also grateful to fellow practitioners who have patiently helped and encouraged me constantly. They never look down on me for not cultivating well. Instead, they have always encouraged me to study the Fa more.
With my limited level, there may be inaccuracies in what I have written. I sincerely welcome fellow practitioners to kindly point them out.
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Category: Improving Oneself
