(Minghui.org) I grew up in a family of atheists, with bad-tempered parents who often yelled at and hit me. As a result, I became fearful and insecure and I didn’t have any friends at school. I felt I never belonged to this world and was just passing through. In my heart, I longed to cultivate.
Starting to Practice Falun Dafa
During my college summer break in 1997, I had a strong urge to find a cultivation way. When the new semester started, my classmate gave me a copy of Zhuan Falun. Once I started to read it, I couldn’t put it down, because I felt I had found the purpose of my life—I can’t even describe my joy at that time. I often went to a Falun Dafa practice site with my classmate to study the Fa and do the exercises.
The practitioners I met there were very different from other people. They were kind and always considerate, and I really enjoyed being with them. Even during the semester break, I didn’t want to go home and preferred being around them. This was the most wonderful time in my life.
Removing Jealousy and Resentment at Home
When the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started to persecute Falun Dafa in 1999, I was busy with graduation and looking for a job. I lost contact with those practitioners and also lost that cultivation environment.
I got married, and my husband and I ran a small business together. My husband made all kinds of ill-advised investments, leaving us in financial difficulties. He had a bad temper and often smashed things when he got mad. He went out drinking every day and would come home drunk at midnight. His behavior was psychologically harmful for my children and me. At that time, I didn’t understand how to cultivate, so I felt bitter and stressed.
Looking back, I realize this was all to test my cultivation. My husband’s extreme behavior exposed my attachments of jealousy and resentment.
I managed the business with my husband, but he only paid into his own pension plan for his retirement. He never bothered to worry about my retirement.
When my husband visited his parents, he bought them gifts. But when I visited my parents, he didn’t want to spend any money. This often led to conflicts, and he even hit me because of it. He wasn’t nice to my family and was often rude about my parents and my sister. But he was very kind to his own family.
When we visited his parents with our children, they would all be enjoying each other’s company while I had to do all the cooking. Many times I didn’t even get a seat at the dinner table—as if I were a stranger. They would be chatting and laughing, like I didn’t exist. All this brought out my jealousy and resentment, causing me great pain. When I shared this with my husband, instead of being understanding, he verbally abused me.
If I hadn’t practiced Falun Dafa, I really don’t know what I would have done. Although I didn’t really know how to cultivate and still had many attachments, I had Dafa in my heart and tried to live by Dafa’s principles. No matter how my husband misbehaved and mistreated me, I still tolerated him and was nice to him. I did the housework and took good care of our children.
Once when he lost his temper, he smashed some beer bottles in the shop and even tried to hit me with a beer bottle. I didn’t say much and just cleaned up the broken glass, cutting my hand in the process. But, regardless of how hard I tried, my efforts meant nothing to my husband, and I felt that he had a heart of stone. I couldn’t resolve this situation. It was torturous for me, and my health began to deteriorate.
As I spent more time studying the Fa and reading experience-sharing articles on the Minghui website, I started to realize that all these years I’d been at fault—all my efforts had just been about doing well on the surface, but my heart hadn’t changed. I was still stubbornly clinging to my human notions, holding on to attachments, and stuck at the human level. Although I looked within, my fundamental mindset remained unchanged. I was still just a good person among ordinary people. I had never risen above the human level to look at all this, and my compassion had never surfaced. I felt my husband was awful and hateful, but I had never genuinely pitied him or understood his hardships and pain.
All sentient beings have risked their lives to come down to the human world. But I did not cherish my husband, I was stuck at the human level, I resented him, and even wanted to leave him. Because I practiced Dafa, I merely forced myself to endure. I was kind to him on the surface, but deep down I resented him.
I suddenly realized that our mission is to save sentient beings and that we must be clear about this. We should not focus on their behavior in this human world or judge right and wrong using human reasoning, nor should we be controlled by other people’s emotions. No matter how hard and risky this mission is, we must save them. We should seize the opportunity to look within, cast off this human shell and the old universe’s characteristic of selfishness, and transform ourselves into selfless beings. This is walking the cultivation path arranged by Master and helping to save sentient beings.
I should love and cherish every life, since no life that has made it to this day has had an easy journey, and they have all been through dramatic twists and turns throughout history. An everyday person cannot control their own life. So how could I resent them because of their behavior in this human world? Isn’t that falling into the old forces’ trap? Most importantly, I must save all lives that have a predestined relationship with me and help them avoid the current great calamity.
When I thought about my mission, I realized there was nothing I couldn’t let go of. Gradually, I was able to calmly face any unfairness. Although I still can’t act entirely for the benefit of others, or view problems entirely from their perspective when facing various grievances and injustices, I am working hard to eventually reach that realm.
When I started changing, my environment changed, too. We rented a bigger place at a better price, and I now have my own room, where I can openly hang Master’s portrait. I also bought a printer to print truth-clarification materials. I now feel content. No matter how others treat me, whatever the circumstances, I am always genuinely kind to them, and at the same time, I recognize my own problems in others’ behaviors. In my mind, I just want to save them so they can return to their heavenly home.
Cultivating Myself While Educating My Children
Society today has negatively influenced children in many ways. As a mother of three, I have a profound understanding of its impact. Educating my children in this environment is difficult and exhausting.
My children believe it is normal to disrespect their parents and look down on traditional values. When I looked within to see if I harbored the deviated notion of disrespecting parents, I found that, indeed, I did. I was born in the 1970s and was poisoned by the CCP’s distorted concepts. I disrespected my parents and didn’t care about their opinions. After realizing this, I began by changing myself first. When educating my children, I follow traditional values, treat them with kindness and patience, and often tell them stories about Chinese traditional culture.
When dealing with their conflicts and constant noise, I look within to see if I too have the attachments of jealousy, competitiveness, and avoiding criticism.
My two daughters often complained that we mistreated them when they were young, often felt wronged, and even cried. At first, I explained to them how hard life was for us as parents and that things weren’t actually as they said. Gradually, I realized I was wrong because I didn’t put myself in their shoes and had demanded things of them. I apologized for the harm we caused and promised to do better in the future. At the same time, I looked within to remove my attachment to resentment and avoiding criticism.
I am kind to my children and ask them to follow traditional moral values. For example, I ask them to dress properly and not wear any weird modern fashions. Of course, conflicts and arguments are unavoidable. I always remember that my children have a predestined relationship with me. Even though I cannot guide them to practice Dafa now, I must help them become good people. I told them that good people are rewarded and bad people are punished. When they said they hadn’t seen any good people being rewarded, I explained that people have many lives and may be rewarded in the future, or may just be paying off their previous bad deeds. Doing bad things will negatively impact their future.
I have already seen the positive impact of teaching them traditional moral values. My eldest daughter lived in a dorm at high school. She told me that my words often reminded her not to succumb to peer pressure to do bad things. For example, in the cafeteria, some students would sneak food without paying. My daughter never did that. What she said confirmed that I did the right thing by educating them with traditional values to be good people. I must be responsible to them, no matter how they might react at the moment. I will continue to teach them to be kind so that they can be saved by Dafa in the future.
I am very grateful to Master for saving me. If I had not practiced Falun Dafa, in these times of turmoil I cannot imagine what I would have done that might have destroyed me. I sincerely thank Master for cleansing my body and soul and saving me.
Due to my limited level, I sincerely ask fellow practitioners to point out anything not in line with the Fa teachings..
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Category: Improving Oneself
