(Minghui.org) Looking back on my cultivation path, it has been a real roller coaster ride. But under Master Li’s benevolent protection, I have come out of isolation, immersed myself in the Fa, and become a true Dafa disciple.
In 2004, a practitioner gave me a printer and helped me set up a new computer. I used them to run a home-based Dafa materials production site. I also learned to browse the Internet to send out lists of people who renounced their Chinese Communist Party (CCP) memberships, download relevant information, print brochures, and make DVDs. I felt extremely happy when copies of the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party were printed at my home.
I was touched when I read experience-sharing articles in Minghui Weekly. I felt that practitioners were doing very well, which inspired me to write an experience-sharing article. I was excited when I saw my first article published on Minghui. I then began writing truth-clarification articles and editing brochures that expose the persecution in our area.
At the time, the persecution was severe, and many practitioners were arrested. We tried all kinds of approaches to put together articles that exposed the persecution. But some practitioners pointed out that we should clarify the facts to these people, rather than expose them.
In addition, they said the language I used on some of the brochures and flyers was too strong and could push people away. I didn’t like hearing that and thought: “What’s wrong with using more powerful language when dealing with wrongdoers, including police officers? It’s done precisely to deter the evil.”
I didn’t realize that both my resentment and competitive mentality had flared up. I even used Master’s words as a pretext to hide my attachments, which was disrespectful to him.
Our ultimate goal is not solely to expose evil, but also to help more people learn about practitioners’ kindness. We want people to see the beauty of Dafa, see through the CCP’s evil nature, and understand that good and evil have corresponding consequences. When people’s kindness is inspired, they may understand the truth and stay away from the CCP. This includes people working in the police, Procuratorate, and the judicial system who’ve committed evil deeds by persecuting practitioners.
But the large number of articles we wrote to expose the evil also reflected our strong competitive mentality and resentment. During that period, the person in charge of the local 610 Office was transferred and replaced by a new leader who was even more militant. As a result, the persecution escalated. More practitioners were illegally sentenced, sent to forced labor camps, and subjected to cruel torture.
Our hearts were moved, and we developed hatred towards the people who persecuted practitioners. This resentment created divisions between us, as we clung to our own opinions and pointed fingers at others. This gap grew wider over time. I personally thought this was the root cause of the large-scale undermining of the Fa in our area.
I realized that many practitioners were very busy doing things and treated that as cultivation. Gradually, it seemed that we were neglecting our personal cultivation and the improvement of our xinxing. I only looked outward without cultivating myself. I didn’t realize that other practitioners were mirrors reflecting my shortcomings. I was no longer in a cultivator’s state of mind.
I began complaining about other practitioners without cultivating my speech. That is, I accused them of gossiping about what other people were up to. I didn’t use a practitioner’s standard to look inward. I then began to keep my distance from other practitioners and confined myself to my own little circle. I gradually became lost among ordinary people and drifted aimlessly for more than 10 years.
During that time, Master gave me hints multiple times, but I still didn’t enlighten. Over the past decade, practitioners have consistently delivered Master’s new lectures and articles to me. Several have even come to my home numerous times to share their understandings with me and study Zhuan Falun. Thanks to Master for not giving up on me. Fortunately, I got back on track with my cultivation path. Thank you, Master! Thank you, practitioners!
Two years ago, a large-scale defamatory propaganda campaign against Master and Dafa occurred in our area. This unprecedented defamation suggested that our overall cultivation state had serious shortcomings. I submitted an article to the Minghui website exposing how our local practitioners had deviated from the Fa due to problems with our overall cooperation. After it was published, it caused quite a stir. Everyone pointed their fingers at me for spreading hearsay. They complained that the article pushed our one body apart and affected saving sentient beings.
Our former coordinators were highly respected, so the practitioners’ accusations, displaced anger, and resentment came at me all at once; I felt suffocating pressure, even while sitting at home.
I felt terribly wronged: “Why didn’t practitioners cultivate their speech? Why did they let everyone know I was the author of that article? They all knew the article’s content was true. How could they blatantly deny it? Our environment showed we had deviated from the Fa, yet they still tried to cover it up. How could they not recognize the seriousness of our situation?”
During that time, all kinds of attachments kept popping up, so I tried not to allow them to interfere with me. Whenever an attachment appeared, I eliminated it. I understood it was Master giving me a make-up exam. I stumbled because other practitioners were not cultivating their speech and criticized me. But whenever one falls, one should immediately get up!
The test the old forces arranged for me was more thorough this time. They tried to drag me down by taking advantage of our loopholes. But I was able to let it go and was no longer attached to who appeared to be right or wrong. I stepped out of the issue itself and looked at it from a practitioner’s perspective.
I began looking inward to see my shortcomings and realized how often I hadn’t cultivated my speech. In my day-to-day sharing with other practitioners, I commented on their strengths and weaknesses and complained about unfairness in ordinary society. More importantly, my attachment to fear was at play. I was afraid because I felt other practitioners didn’t cultivate their speech, which could put me in a dangerous situation and cause me to be persecuted.
Practitioners criticized me for harboring resentment toward them. I also resented the former coordinator who misled us, as well as practitioners who were overly attached to sentimentality. I thought some practitioners failed to cultivate properly and feared they would face danger if they continued down the wrong path. None of this was cultivating myself. I was looking outward. I needed to use my righteous thoughts to help strengthen other practitioners and have confidence that they can elevate their understanding of the Fa. I realized most practitioners still trusted and cared about me.
Wherever I looked, I saw a troubled world. I used to think others were on a deviated path, while I felt I was walking on a righteous path. My attachments often flared up when we got caught up in trying to prove ourselves and impose our wills on others.
Each practitioner has a different background and level of enlightenment. I should stop judging others. I began studying the Fa with a calm mind. With Master and the Fa here, practitioners make their own choices—that’s their path.
After our area’s deviation from the Fa was published on the Minghui website, the former coordination team was disbanded. No replacements have been made so far. Many practitioners thought we were disorganized and that we should appoint new coordinators. The issue has been discussed a few times. But each time it was raised, everyone held different opinions, which led to multiple discussions and disagreements. However, the issues remained unresolved and would resurface shortly afterward. As a result, it has taken up our group study time and the time we need to go out and clarify the facts to people.
A practitioner told me, “The situation has affected your Fa study. Having your heart moved is very dangerous.” That’s when I realized my heart was indeed moved. Although I knew I wasn’t a good fit to be a coordinator, I thought I was clear on the Fa principles and cultivated better than others. Wasn’t this thinking a prelude to demonic interference? My goodness, I always thought others were self-righteous but, actually, it was my own inflated ego at play.
I used to look down on others after doing just a little bit of work. Didn’t it come down to jealousy? To be a diligent practitioner, one has to be humble, recognize one’s shortcomings, and correct oneself at all times. Time is pressing, and we need to seize it to save sentient beings while cultivating ourselves well.
I believe one of the main reasons the coordination team disbanded was that we relied on and worshipped them in every aspect. When the old forces saw this, they caused interference for the entire coordination team. Practitioners ended up relying on each other rather than seeking guidance from the Fa. We hoped the coordinators would “lead” us because we didn’t know how to handle things. So it’s imperative to eliminate reliance on others and blaze our own paths to validate the Fa. We don’t necessarily need coordinators right now, because the Fa requires everyone to take responsibility for saving sentient beings.
I thought I should start with myself. I said to Master, “Master, whatever you need me to do, I’ll do it. I will not act as a coordinator, however.” This thinking aligned me with the Fa, so I can now help validate the Fa. When practitioners run into technical difficulties, I help them; when practitioners are going through tribulations, we elevate together in the Fa; when overall cooperation is required, we collect and edit materials together. Everything now feels so natural and effortless. None of us are coordinators, but we all do what coordinators are supposed to do.