(Minghui.org) I’m 85 years old and I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1997. In the almost three decades I practiced, I’ve sometimes stumbled along in my cultivation.
Especially in recent years, I faced a number of conflicts that fundamentally tested my xinxing. I finally started to understand how to look inward and truly examine myself. It feels as though I’ve just began to truly cultivate.
Taking Fa Study Seriously
When I first began cultivating, I had to take care of a lot chores around the house and help babysit my grandson. I didn’t realize the fundamental importance of Fa study and thought that being involved in a Dafa project was sufficient.
When I did study the Fa, I couldn’t focus and I was often distracted or I thought about other things. Thus, my progress was very slow. For years, I was stuck at the level of merely trying to be nice, instead of assimilating to the Fa and using it as my guide in elevating my thinking and mindset.
When I read other practitioners’ articles in Minghui Weekly I saw how other practitioners cultivated solidly and steadily upgraded themselves while doing the three things well.
I was anxious to catch up, but felt I couldn’t bridge the gap. Master saw that I genuinely wanted to improve and arranged for practitioner Ailing to join me so we could read the Fa together. Ailing initially came once a week, then we decided to meet twice a week.
With Ailing’s help, my Fa study became more consistent and I discovered the reason my cultivation had been stagnating. Ailing stayed focused when she studied the Fa and understood the passages she was reading. If she was ever distracted, she would read the entire paragraph again to ensure the quality of her Fa study.
Reflecting on myself, I realized I had been merely going through the motions when I read the Fa. I didn’t truly comprehend what I was reading. After I adjusted my mindset and took Fa study seriously, my cultivation began to improve.
My Attachments Are Exposed
As I gained a better understanding of the Fa principles, I started clarifying the truth about the persecution to people I met on the street. I partnered with a practitioner named Bilian, who is friendly and approachable, and the two of us worked well together.
After a while, another practitioner, Chunli, asked to join us. I was reluctant as I believed the bigger the group, the more potential to attract the Chinese Communist Party officers’ attention. But after Chunli asked several times, I felt bad about refusing and I finally agreed.
What I didn’t expect was the conflicts that followed almost immediately. After joining us, Chunli often walked side by side with Bilian while we distributed fliers and clarified the truth, leaving me trailing behind by myself. At first, I didn’t pay much attention until they completely disappeared a couple of times. I’m older and can’t see well due to cataracts. Sometimes, seemingly in the blink of an eye, they were gone and were nowhere to be found.
That’s when all my human notions and attachments started surfacing. I felt hurt and felt that Chunli had upset the well-established partnership between me and Bilian. Just as Chinese people often say: “Three women make a drama,” my resentment, jealousy, and combativeness all cropped up.
I felt bitter and resented Chunli for being selfish. I didn’t know how to look at the situation from other people’s perspective and I was stuck in a non-practitioner’s mindset. I didn’t think to look inward and examine myself, let alone view this as a great opportunity to improve myself.
While I was going through all of this, feeling upset and resentful, Ailing came to my home and studied the Fa with me as usual. As we read together one day, it dawned on me: “It is not a coincidence that Chunli joined us. This was Master’s arrangement to expose my stubborn resentment and jealousy. Master was helping me eliminate these attachments.”
Cultivation is about constantly giving up one’s human notions and attachments. Master saw that my attachments were deep-rooted and therefore arranged this three-person dynamic to help me improve. I should be grateful to Chunli—how could I resent her?
When I carefully examined myself, I found that I didn’t like being criticized, was attached to reputation, and liked to rely on others. The most hidden attachment was a desire for a sense of belonging and finding comfort among practitioners. These all needed to be relinquished. When I came to understand this, my heart suddenly became light and bright.
Shedding the Attachment of Self-Interest
I soon faced another test. One day, my neighbor told me the vegetables at the farmers market were on sale and urged me to hurry there before the sale ended. In the past, I would have immediately gone to the market.
But a jolt went through me at that moment and I remembered Master’s Fa in this regard. I realized that a cultivator should take loss and gain in this human world lightly. Whatever extra benefits we might pursue in the mundane world could very well be exchanged for our precious virtue.
We are to cultivate our hearts and elevate our morality—how could we be attached to such petty gains? When I realized this, I immediately let go of my attachment to self-interest and told my neighbor, “I’m fine, thank you.”
Through these two incidents, I came to realize that all conflicts and tests in our cultivation are actually good—Master has carefully made these arrangements to help us improve. From resenting a practitioner to instead appreciating them, the process of changing one’s mindset is the process of elevating one’s xinxing.
I’ve now gained a deeper appreciation, knowing that Master has endured tremendous ordeals to prolong the Fa-rectification so we can help save more sentient beings. Every second is worth its weight in gold. Only by studying the Fa well, seizing every opportunity during conflicts and tests, and truly looking inward to find our own shortcomings, can we see through the disguise of our various human notions and attachments, and get rid of them.
Only then, can we live up to this precious opportunity of countless lifetimes and strive forward steadily and solidly on this path of cultivation.
My deepest thanks to Master. Heshi.
Copyright © 1999-2026 Minghui.org. All rights reserved.
Category: Improving Oneself
