(Minghui.org) It was in 2023 that I truly began practicing Falun Dafa. I learned about the practice prior to 1999, but I did not begin cultivating at that time due to my limited inborn quality and various other reasons. In 2023, I finally began Dafa cultivation practice.
I want to share my experience of obtaining the Fa and the insights I gained during this period. I hope my experience can help practitioners in the same situation as me return to Dafa cultivation, which is our purpose in coming to this human world.
Qigong was very popular in the 90s, and one of my family members practiced it. However, I didn’t quite understand what Qigong was for, so I never paid attention to any of the Qigong practices. In 1998, when I had just started college, Falun Dafa was spreading in my hometown, and I received the book Zhuan Falun while at home during the winter break of 1999.
I was not yet 20 years old at the time. When I first read Zhuan Falun, I did not fully understand what cultivation meant. But I thought this book was good, and I was eager to read it. I finished the reading in a short period of time. After reading, I had a thought: I want to practice Falun Dafa.
There was a Dafa practice site in our area, so I went there to practice with the group. In that era, video players were rare, so I did not have a chance to watch the videos of Master teaching the Fa. I didn’t understand the importance of Fa study, so I did not persist in reading Zhuan Falun. I just went to the practice site to do the exercises when I had time. I was unable to cross my legs on top of each other with my feet resting on my thighs (in the lotus position) during meditation, but I was able to hold a half-lotus position (crossing one leg) for 30 minutes. I just wanted to practice, but I did not understand how to cultivate myself. Others told me that this practice would help me keep fit. That was my understanding of Dafa at that time.
I went back to college after the winter break and told my roommates that Falun Dafa is great and very effective at improving health. I felt wonderful when telling friends about Dafa.
Soon, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) started to persecute Falun Dafa. At that time, I did not understand the true meaning of cultivation and the sacredness of practicing Dafa. I simply thought I wouldn’t practice since it wasn’t allowed. As time passed, I gradually forgot that my heart had once aspired to practice Falun Dafa.
In 2001, when I saw the staged Tiananmen Square self-immolation video shown on TV at my college, I was shocked and confused about what was going on. Throughout my life, I was indoctrinated to believe that the CCP had the people’s best interests at heart, and could never imagine that the self-immolation incident had been staged to deceive people. So I was deceived. Since then, I was completely swept up into the torrent of the human world, drifting along. However, deep down inside there was always a voice telling me: “Don’t give up. Falun Dafa is good.”
Master did not give up on me. A few years after graduating from college, a practitioner found me, clarified the truth, and helped me to quit the CCP and its affiliated organizations. Back then, I was young, hot-headed, and had an even harder time grasping the meaning of cultivation.
In 2009, I endured setbacks in both my career and family life. Feeling downhearted, I started to ponder the meaning of life. I returned to my hometown physically and mentally exhausted. I wanted to find the meaning of life. When I found the copy of Zhuan Falun that I had kept in my home, I picked it up and started reading it with full attention. Through reading, I sensed the meaning of life.
I also read the Nine Commentaries on the Communist Party and all the materials a fellow practitioner gave me earlier. I finally realized that the CCP had deceived me. However, under the influence of modern concepts, I was still quite selfish and callous. I wanted to have a good life and live comfortably. But I still did not understand the real meaning of cultivation and had a vague, hazy awareness that Dafa is good and that it is the purpose of life. So I wanted to practice Falun Dafa again.
Master Li arranged a new environment for me where I could work and cultivate, and I was grateful for this opportunity. I wanted to cultivate sincerely, unlike before, when I simply followed the crowd. However, I did not manage to stick with it. Allured by the attachment to fame, self-interest, and seeking comfort, I gave up a low-paying job and a stable cultivation environment, and chose to leave my hometown to find work.
Since I didn’t have a stable job, I could not maintain a consistent cultivation routine. I was especially impacted by atheism and modern concepts. I was still skeptical about whether gods and Buddhas really exist, and could not truly believe in Master and Dafa. I practiced because I was grateful for Master’s compassion. Although I studied the Fa and did the exercises, I felt I was still wandering around and not truly understanding Dafa. I did not know where my problem was, and how to cultivate my xinxing. When I encountered conflicts, I thought and acted according to human notions. I was still at the level of being a good person.
Since I had been educated in the current education system and had no idea of traditional values, I actually did not know how to be a good person. Although I knew that my co-workers and friends needed to know the truth about Dafa and the persecution, I just could not step forward to tell them. I was afraid that I would be reported to the police. Additionally, I sometimes doubted whether I could really help them.
I often pondered this: if all of this is real, yet I failed to help save my friends and family while only focusing on my own salvation through my practice, could I face them with a clear conscience one day?
I constantly struggled with selfishness and insecurity, and was filled with guilt and self-reproach. The more I studied the Fa, the more I realized that all of this was real. However, I did not know how to cultivate myself to overcome this guilt. Eventually, with this strong attachment of guilt, I thought I was not worthy of practicing Dafa since I could not help others know the truth. I stopped practicing again. Many years later, I regretted giving up so much. I had wasted a lot of time.
Master still did not give up on me. Between 2019 and 2023, Master gave me several hints. During that period, I often came across Dafa informational materials and bumped into practitioners who advised me to resume the practice. I dreamed vividly of crying out in heart-wrenching despair from the bottom of my heart. However, all of that seemed accidental, and I did not realize they were Master’s compassionate hints.
Driven by guilt and a sense of unworthiness regarding cultivation practice, I numbed myself with novels, games, and shopping to avoid thinking about cultivation. I was totally lost in the life of an ordinary person. At the beginning of the New Year of 2023, I suffered from terrible insomnia, and I couldn’t sleep at all for several days. I was so anxious and exhausted that I could not do anything and did not even want to.
Then I remembered that a fellow practitioner once told me to recite the phrases “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good.” I sincerely repeated these phrases, and my symptoms improved significantly. This time I finally realized that I was being reminded to cultivate, and I decided to resume practicing Falun Dafa. I took out Zhuan Falun and began to read it again. At this moment, I stopped thinking about anything else. No more dwelling on guilt or thinking about novels, games, or shopping; I began to study the Fa earnestly. I couldn’t do the exercises since I had a roommate, so I just focused on Fa study.
Master arranged a new environment suitable for my cultivation, seeing that I wanted to cultivate. In April 2023, I got a new job, and the company provided me with a single-room dorm. I finally could do the Dafa exercises. This time I calmed down to focus on studying the Fa and doing the exercises, and reflected calmly on what I really wanted, what cultivation is about, and the meaning of life. After I had figured everything out, a test quietly arrived.
One evening, not long after I began doing the exercises, my stomach started to ache dramatically. With strong thoughts about finishing the exercises, I persisted in doing them. After the exercises, I was soaked in sweat, and the pain did not subside. I lay on the bed, curled up in pain, but my mind was firm. I told myself: “I want to practice Falun Dafa. I must practice Falun Dafa. It is the meaning of my life; nothing is more important than this!” In the pain, I was repeatedly reminding myself. The pain gradually subsided, and I fell asleep.
The following day, after work, I opened Zhuan Falun to study. This time, I noticed that studying the Fa was different from before—truly different. I was able to grasp higher Fa principles. I understood that I had genuinely entered the door of cultivation and had obtained the Fa! I experienced incredible joy from the bottom of my heart—genuine joy from within my true self.
I am infinitely grateful to Master Li for his compassionate and painstaking salvation! Thank you, Master!