(Minghui.org) Looking back at my cultivation journey, initially I was like the protagonist in the story of “The Man Who Covered His Ears While Stealing a Bell.” I was attached to consummation and covered my attachments without realizing it. Our compassionate Master exposed my attachments and human heart using various opportunities. But due to my karma, I didn’t know how to enlighten through things that happened, nor did I know how to cultivate myself. I stumbled constantly on my cultivation path. Regardless, I firmly believed in Master and the Fa. Though I was not particularly smart, Falun Dafa has given me good health, and our once broken family now has joy and happiness.
Obtaining the Fa and Learning the Meaning of Life
It was 1996 when I first began to practice Falun Dafa. Now I am 58 years old. I was born into an ordinary family in the countryside. I had a strong character ever since I was a child. I would rather suffer physical difficulty than lose face. At the age of 20, I was introduced to a man who was one year younger than me. We got married in less than three months. We didn’t register in the marriage office and didn’t get a marriage certificate. Our wedding ceremony was held in a rush. The smile on my face disappeared since that day. Life was hard. My husband ignored me and didn’t take care of me. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. Life was bitter and tiresome to me. My health deteriorated. My weight dropped down to 40 kilos (88 lbs) from over 50 kilos (110 lbs.). My husband and I hurt each other in the five years of our ridiculous marriage. He had an affair. Our marriage ended.
Our family persuaded us to get back together. A year later, for the sake of our child, we moved back together again. We were constantly moving. We lived in every corner of the county. Life was hard. I became increasingly unsatisfied with my husband. My complaints against him deepened. I was just 25 years old and developed neuralgia, migraines, gastrointestinal problems, lower back problems, tuberculosis, rheumatism, and other conditions. I was skinny and had an unhealthy complexion. I often wondered why I was still alive and suffered such hardships and what the purpose of my life was. I didn’t go to the hospital to treat my illnesses and never mentioned my illnesses to anyone. I thought that if I indeed died, it would be an escape for me.
I saw the book Falun Gong at my mother-in-law’s home one day in the autumn of 1996. I liked this book very much and went over to her home to read it whenever I had time. I started practicing Falun Dafa after that. I was bathed in the light of the Fa every day. My health improved daily. All the illness symptoms disappeared. I walked briskly. I attended many activities to promote Falun Dafa. I went to the park to practice the exercises in the morning every day and study the Fa with other practitioners in the evening.
I had a dream one night after I had practiced Falun Dafa for two months. I carried many bags, small and big, in both hands. I carried another big bag on my back. I couldn’t get onto the bus due to too many bags. I put the small bags into the big bags one by one. Then I found that all the bags were empty. After I woke up, I realized that Master gave me a hint that I shouldn’t be attached to material things. I said to Master in my heart, “Master, I don’t want anything. I just want to follow you and return to my original home.”
We held a seminar to show Master’s lecture videos in the hall of the county seat for the first time in the spring of 1997. I went there by bicycle with my daughter sitting up front and my sister sitting in the back. I felt that my bicycle was being pushed, and I barely used any strength. Soon we arrived. We felt warm and comfortable during that time.
I was like withered grass that finally received the rain it had long been waiting for. I studied the Fa every day. I came to understand why I lived and the meaning of life.
Thanks to Master’s Protection, I Managed to Overcome Hardships One by One
After the persecution began, I went to Beijing to validate the Fa with other practitioners in 2000. We were arrested and sent back to the local detention center. We did the sitting meditation the following morning. I sat close to the door. Previously, it was painful for me to sit in the full lotus position. But that day I felt comfortable and calm when meditating. It was quiet. I felt someone hit my neck several times, then they hit my hands. I didn’t feel pain, just a numbness, but still comfortable. Then I heard someone hitting other people. I opened my eyes and saw several policemen hitting fellow practitioners hard with plastic sticks.
I didn’t know that I needed to clarify the truth to the police at that time. My understanding of the Fa was poor. I didn’t realize that Master bore the suffering for me and reinforced my righteous thoughts. But I knew that Master was the most righteous person and Falun Dafa was the best. It was not wrong that we practice Falun Dafa and tried to become good people.
We again practiced the exercises the following morning. The policemen came in and brutally beat us. One policeman said that we would be forced to lie on the bed face down if we still wanted to practice the exercises the following day. Though I felt that was a bit awkward, I did what he said. Five policemen beat us. I put up with them passively. Every strike was painful. I could no longer bear the beating. I said that I wouldn’t practice Falun Dafa. A policeman said, with hatred in his voice, “It is you who organized them. Even if you don’t do the exercises, we’ll beat you regardless.”
Human forbearance is limited. Human beings are weak. Without Master’s strengthening and protection and without the guidance of the Fa principles, we didn’t have any capabilities. Previously, before I began practicing Falun Dafa, I would rather suffer hardships than lose face. Now I realized that that was a slogan to satisfy my self-esteem. At that moment, I felt that everything in the human world was false and unreliable. I came to know what righteous thoughts were through these two beating incidents. This reinforced my belief in cultivation. Thank you, Master, for your great arrangements and compassionate protection!
I went out to distribute pamphlets inside a residential area in 2010. I was up on the 30th floor and walked down level by level to distribute pamphlets. When I was on the top stair on the 20th level and about to go into the hallway, I heard someone say, “The person should be here. But I don’t see her.” I turned and went downstairs quietly, then took the elevator to the top level. I hid behind a small concrete wall, my heart pounding heavily. I pleaded with Master to help me. I knew that the fear was not me. I sent forth righteous thoughts to eliminate the fear. At the same time, I tried to find out why there was interference. I realized that it was my heart of doing things that caused the interference. When I left home that day, I had the thought of finishing distributing the pamphlets as soon as possible. My starting point was incorrect. After a while, someone said, “I didn’t see anyone on the upper levels. Let’s go downstairs to see if they are there.” As soon as they left, my cell phone rang. Thanks to Master’s protection, I avoided a possible disaster. Thank you, Master! Here I remind practitioners to switch off their cell phones when going out to distribute truth-clarification materials.
Looking Inward and Getting Rid of Jealousy and Resentment
The policeman came with my husband to arrest me at home in 2002. I said to Master in my heart, “Master, I won’t go with them. I haven’t finished Fa study. I need to study the Fa.” The policeman was the local police officer who oversaw our area. He had seen me once before, but he asked my husband who I was. My husband said that I was his wife’s sister. The policeman left but came back later. He might have realized who I was, but I had already left home. Thanks to Master’s protection, I went to a new city with our daughter.
I was busy making a living in the new location. I seldom studied the Fa or practiced exercises. I didn’t do the three things well. My husband, who also practiced Falun Dafa, was released after eight years of imprisonment and went to live in another city. My daughter was a sophomore at a university and lived on campus. I went to my husband’s city with the hope of cherishing each other and living a peaceful life together. After I stayed with him for several months, I found that he still looked down upon me and thought I was troublesome. I felt wronged and unfairly treated. Sometimes I wondered if I should continue this marriage as we didn’t ask for Heaven and Earth to recognize our marriage and didn’t have a marriage certificate, which meant that neither divine beings nor humans acknowledged our marriage.
Neither of us looked within amidst the delusions arranged by the old forces, and our resentments deepened. One time when we argued, I shouted with hatred that we should not see each other for the rest of our lives. As a result, we were hit by sickness karma and really were in danger of losing our lives. We were hospitalized due to the persecution of the old forces. Finally, both of us realized that we were not worthy of being Falun Dafa practitioners due to our behavior. We were not respectful to Master for his arduous efforts to save us. We left that city and came back to our hometown.
My second great auntie asked me to come to her home in the summer of 2018. She said that some of the older relatives wanted to see me. I went to see them with my daughter. Facing the elder generation’s expectations, I agreed to live with my husband again. I felt that I should acquire the proper marriage arrangement for people to see, completely negate the old forces’ arrangement, and fulfill our prehistoric vows. My husband and I should help save each other. We applied for and were granted the marriage certificate in 2019.
During my daughter’s engagement, marriage, buying an apartment and renovation, I had complaints and resentment toward my husband consciously and unconsciously. When these attachments came up, I was filled with anger. I tried my best to negate and clear them away.
I kept looking within and asked myself why I was not satisfied with my husband. It was because he didn’t reach my expectations for establishing my reputation and meeting my personal interests. Why did I seek reputation and want to fulfill my personal interests? I wanted to live a good life, or at least not have a worse life than other people. Why did I want to live a better life than others? I wanted to save face and satisfy my vanity. That was only part of the reason. I continued looking inward. I realized that I had a strong yearning for a beautiful life deep in my heart. Driven by this heart, I had high expectations of my husband, and unconsciously set high standards and requirements for him. Once I didn’t get what I wanted, my expectations turned to resentment. Yes, seeking a beautiful life was my fundamental attachment. Finally, I found it. I decided to eliminate this attachment. I felt so much lighter.
Did I want to be a nagging wife? No. What should a feminine character be? Soft and warm. Soft means harmonizing and being kind. Why did I always want to be the boss and control others? I was competitive and always wanted to win. It was the “controlling” element of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) culture. It was a false me developed under the CCP culture. I had to eliminate it and let my true self awaken.
Looking back upon my husband’s coldness and indifference to me, I understood that it reflected my attitude towards him. I realized that I didn’t truly look after him or try to understand him. I didn’t respect him. It was I who caused the problem. He had suffered a lot. He was persecuted in prison for eight years. I didn’t take care of him after he was released. He put up with everything all by himself. But he said to me, “Be good to yourself. Don’t be too frugal. You can spend all my money freely.”
It was my jealousy, that dirty and stubborn attachment, that had harmed me and others. It caused my decades-long dissatisfaction with my husband. It was the biggest hindrance in my cultivation. I pleaded with Master to remove my jealousy. I didn’t want it. It was vicious. I wanted to be kind. Looking within was a magical tool. I felt a lightness that I had never experienced before.
Looking at my husband again, I found his many shining points and many aspects that deserved my respect. I didn’t have any more resentment when I encountered his bad habits. I cleaned things up silently when he was messy. He became cleaner gradually. We were able to laugh together and look after each other. This broken family finally had laughter and joy. We had our own apartment and a car, as well as savings. I had fervently sought these material things before I practiced Falun Dafa but failed to have them. But as I gradually became a good person and an even better person, I owned them. I also came to know how to cultivate myself in the Fa. Master has protected me every step of the way. I don’t know how to repay Master. I will genuinely cultivate myself and actively tell people about Falun Dafa so as to be worthy of Master’s saving grace.
A Miracle in Cultivation
When my daughter was 39, she started feeling unwell in September 2025. She visited three hospitals and got the same result, which was that she should have surgery to remove a lung nodule developed from COVID-19. She planned to have another exam in a hospital in Shanghai. I shared the situation with the practitioners in my Fa study group. A veteran practitioner said, “You should look within. Your daughter doesn’t need surgery.” I enlightened that Master was hinting at me to look within. But how should I look within?
My daughter studied the Fa with me when she was young. Her father and I were jailed in 2000. She was nine years old at that time and stayed at home all by herself for two months. This affected her deeply. Even now she covers her head with a quilt when sleeping. I felt I owed her. I hoped that she would cultivate. But she was longing to live a comfortable life.
I began to clear my dimensions at 11 p.m. so my cultivated side could play a role. I pleaded with Master to strengthen my righteous thoughts. Then I started to send forth righteous thoughts at midnight. Then I cleared the dimensions around my daughter. During the process, I realized that subconsciously I hoped that she would live the life that I expected her to. I was not happy with some of her behavior. The old forces had taken advantage of my loopholes and created separation to destroy sentient beings. I said to Master with my hands in the lotus position, “Master, I know I am wrong. The one who treats sentient beings with a human heart, human notions, and human emotions is the false me. I don’t want it. I and the beings who are related to me are only taken care of by Master. No other beings should get involved.” I sent forth strong righteous thoughts for one hour.
My daughter phoned me at 9 o’clock the following morning. She said, “I don’t need surgery. I only need to have a physical exam every six months.”
Going forward, when I send forth righteous thoughts, I hope my sentient beings and the beings who are related to me will remember, “Falun Dafa is good, Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance is good!”
Final Remarks
I am so honored to be Master’s disciple in this lifetime. In this precious time, I will cultivate well, tell people about Falun Dafa diligently, and follow Master to return to my original home.
Thank you, Master, for your saving grace!
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