(Minghui.org) Another practitioner Jia (alias) and I had many conflicts. Now that 20 years have passed I realize these conflicts were good opportunities for me to improve my cultivation but I repeatedly pushed them away because I had strong human notions and I didn’t know how to cultivate myself and look at issues from the Fa’s perspective.
When I was detained in the forced labor camp, another practitioner asked me, “What is cultivation?” I recited Master’s article “What is Cultivation Practice?” to her. She didn’t say anything. After I recited the poem I realized that I only recited the Fa but I didn’t tell her what to do or how to use my own experiences to help her really understand what it means to cultivate. I now understand that I didn’t really know what it meant to cultivate.
I became homeless after I was released from the forced labor camp. I did some labor work to make ends meet. Practitioner Feng (alias) who I met in the forced labor camp suggested I help produce truth clarification materials. She cultivated very diligently and did most of the work. She was a good example and I always followed her instructions. To safeguard the production site, we were very alert and concealed ourselves. We were only in contact with a few practitioners.
In order to keep our site secret we didn’t distribute the materials or go out to clarify the truth to people. We studied the Fa, practiced the exercises and then made materials. That was our daily life. Feng looked after the site well and did everything to make sure that all materials were ready to go for other practitioners to distribute. It seemed that running the material productions site on a long-term basis was our responsibility. This was our cultivation path. But Feng was arrested when she went out one day.
Another Practitioner Offers Me Cultivation Opportunities
I took over doing all the jobs at the site and I became the coordinator. Jia later joined me. I thought I should guide her as Feng did me. I regarded making materials as a job and forgot this was cultivation.
Jia had completely different ways of doing things and had a different mentality. I realized that she was in a different cultivation state. When she came, she was depressed and was annoyed by our confinement. She wanted to leave the production site. But when she brought her luggage I thought she overcame her issues and decided to stay. But she insisted on doing things her way. For example, when she went outside, she talked to people about Falun Dafa even if she had supplies with her. I was worried about the security of our site. She insisted that wherever the production site was located, we should distribute materials and talk to people in that area.
She also didn’t follow my way of making materials. I felt upset. She didn’t think we should do everything for the other practitioners—instead we should allocate some work to others. For example, she said that we should have other practitioners bind the materials. Later, she said that we should stop cutting the materials and should ask other practitioners to buy paper cutters and cut the materials and bind them. We would only print materials so we had time to study the Fa.
I wasn’t happy because we already had time to study the Fa. The other practitioners were busy with work and I felt they should focus on distributing materials while we produced them. If she didn’t want to make materials, why did she come here? I didn’t agree with her thinking or the way she did things. I also wasn’t happy with her habits. I thought she was nowhere near as good as Feng.
As Fa rectification progressed, practitioners were encouraged to set up their own material production sites. I discussed this with local practitioners. They agreed, but the process wasn’t smooth. Some practitioners said they were trying to find the fund. The next time I saw them they said they hadn’t bought the equipment. The third time, they said they delayed it because of other reasons. I accepted what they said.
Jia became impatient and said they didn’t understand the Fa clearly and their human notions prevented them from doing things quickly, and that they were not vigilant and that the old forces would take advantage of their loopholes to prevent them from establishing production sites. She wanted to stop supplying them with materials to pressure them to set up production sites quickly. But I didn’t agree with her. I thought that this was fine and we should support them until they set up their own production sites.
We always had different opinions about various things. I felt uncomfortable and complained to other practitioners about her. They reminded me that I shouldn’t talk about the issues within the issues. But I wondered how I could solve the issues if I didn’t talk about them. I was stuck within my human notions.
Previously other practitioners and I got along very well, especially in the forced labor camp. Even though we hadn’t met before, we were like family members when we saw each other. We helped each other and never had conflicts like these, so this situation was hard for me. I had a dream one night in which Master said, “Oh, you are making materials. Come, I will pay you.” I was surprised yet happy, thinking that I had never heard any practitioner being paid for making materials. I saw Master gave Jia ten yuan while he gave me six yuan. I felt disappointed, thinking that I didn’t make materials for money but if Master paid us, I was paid less. I felt unsettled.
After I woke up, I wondered if Master gave me a hint that Jia did a better job than me because Master gave her a higher wage, which meant she cultivated better than me. Was her understanding of Fa was correct while mine was wrong? I thought I always considered other practitioners first. There must be a reason Master gave me this hint. I told myself to believe what Jia said was correct.
I Finally Realize What It Means to Cultivate
A test came several days later. After we studied the Fa, we discussed something didn’t involve me. Jia said one sentence regarding the issue. She didn’t target me and it had nothing to do with me. But I reacted to it strongly and angrily. I was about to argue. I remembered my dream and I tried to control my emotions and not blame her. I tried to calm down and continue studying the Fa. Jia didn’t notice that I was upset.
I suddenly recalled the practitioner who asked me what cultivation while I was in the forced labor camp. I thought: “This is cultivation!”
Because the practitioners set up their own material production sites, we made fewer materials and had more time to do other things. We decided to distribute materials ourselves. I regarded distributing materials as a job and I didn’t realize it was a sacred task because we were helping Master save people. I didn’t cultivate myself in the Fa and didn’t recognize my own human understanding and human notions. Jia and I had many conflicts.
One night we went out to distribute pamphlets. Jia kept saying, “We need to save people in this household” or “We need save people in that household.” while we were walking. She kept repeating those words. I became very annoyed after a while and said to myself, “Nonsense. Which household we shouldn’t save?” When we went into an alley, a small dog barked at us. I was afraid that the person inside the house would come out. I skipped it and went to the next house.
I told Jia, “Please don’t put flyers at that house.” She didn’t listen and went directly to that house while she kept murmuring “We need to save people in that house.” I became anxious and tried to stop her. She didn’t listen. While I got really impatient, she put a pamphlet outside the gate. The small dog stopped barking suddenly. I was shocked. I felt the power of Falun Dafa and the power of righteous thoughts. I realized that Jia’s heart to save people changed the environment. I didn’t have righteous thoughts and I did things with human heart. I missed many opportunities to help Master save sentient beings. I changed my attitude towards Jia since then.
On another occasion, we were talking about an issue. I always spoke on behalf of those who were bullied and weak. I thought I was very righteous and had sense of justice. When I was talking vigorously and emotionally, she gave me a cold look and said, “You feel angry when unfair things happen to other people. If the unfair things happen to you, you will become outraged.”
I was speechless and felt like someone poured a bucket of cold water over me. Though I felt uncomfortable that she stopped me, I realized what she said was reasonable. Yes, if unfair thing happened to me, could I let it go? Would my heart keep calm? I was so much into those things that I almost couldn’t control myself.
After I stayed with Jia for some time, I started to doubt my own thoughts and actions. Many of her understandings and actions shook me. I was reluctant to accept them and tried to reject them. I tried to control my stubbornness. I gradually realized that her understanding was correct and in the Fa.
She often said, “Kindness has different meanings at different levels.” Yes, she was correct. In the past I took care of everything and thought I made it convenient for other practitioners. I didn’t realize that I deprived them of opportunities to cultivate themselves. I was trapped in human notions and doing things. I was not kind to Jia and didn’t look at my own attachments, competitiveness and showing off mentality from the Fa perspective. I was arrogant and didn’t know how to be humble. I didn’t see my own shortcomings and didn’t see through the interference by the old forces from the cultivation perspective. I always hoped that practitioners cultivated well and didn’t realize that I was a particle of the Fa. If I didn’t cultivate myself well, how could I help others?
Later, our material production site was sabotaged. My pre-destined relationship with Jia ended, and we parted ways.
I returned to my normal life and was busy with work. I slacked off in doing the exercises and studying the Fa and was entangled with everyday issues. I barely had time to think about my cultivation and failed tests repeatedly. I recently realized that I shouldn’t waste more time. I quit my job, practiced the exercises and studied the Fa more, and tried to catch up in cultivation. I also have time to review my cultivation journey.
Now I can see many of my shortcomings and attachments. First, I had fear. I didn’t dare distribute materials or tell people about Falun Dafa and the persecution. The superficial reason was to maintain the security of the production center. The truth is, I was afraid. I didn’t negate the persecution with righteous thoughts. I was not clear about the Fa principles and I didn’t keep up with the progress of Fa-rectification. Second, I regarded making materials as my job and Master as my boss. I thought that I should follow Master and do a good job at the material production site. I didn’t realize that this was a cultivation opportunity and I should cultivate my heart. That was why I had that dream. Third, I shouldn’t compare one practitioner with another to see who cultivated well and who didn’t. Everyone has their own merits.
Feng was firm in her belief and cultivated diligently. She did a lot of things to validate the Fa after she was released from the forced labor camp. I was greatly encouraged by her. Jia was clear about the Fa principles and followed the Fa-rectification progress closely. She could identify my cultivation shortcomings.
I would like to thank Master for arranging Jia to stay with me. Her clear understanding of the Fa and her determined will broke through my deep-rooted human notions and my human mentality. She made me aware of my limited cultivation level and insufficient understanding of the Fa. I feel the fundamental reason we are hindering Fa-rectification is that we haven’t cultivated ourselves well. I understand that only by looking within, cultivating my heart and recognizing my shortcomings, I am genuinely cultivating.
I was very tight with money at the production site because the practitioners lived frugally and so we could produce materials. It was very cold in winter. My coat had a hood while Jia’s coat didn’t. I chose not to spend the money to buy a hat for Jia. I’d like to apologize to her here.
Not only did Jia help me a lot with my cultivation, Master arranged different practitioners to help me so that I was able to pass the tests and follow the progress of Fa-rectification. Thank you Master for your careful arrangements. Thank you, fellow practitioners.
64_Journeys_of_Cultivation
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