(Minghui.org) I am 74 years old and I began practicing Falun Dafa in 1998 after my husband told me about it. He said, “My older brother, who lives out of town, called and told me about a cultivation practice called Falun Dafa. He said it’s an excellent practice that primarily helps people elevate their moral character. It is also effective in improving health and eliminating illness. Practitioners cultivate themselves according to the principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance and strive to become better people.”
As soon as I heard that Falun Dafa taught people to become good, I thought that it aligned perfectly with my own values. By the time I was halfway through reading Zhuan Falun, I knew that Falun Dafa’s principles of Truthfulness-Compassion-Forbearance are upright and profound. After I finished the book, I was convinced that Falun Dafa is an extraordinary practice that teaches people to be kind and virtuous. It perfectly matched my understanding of how one should conduct oneself. I felt incredibly fortunate and started cultivating with this mindset.
Finding My Fundamental Attachment
For many years I searched diligently for my fundamental attachment, but I could not identify it. I always assumed that my motive for cultivating was pure. Although I discovered many attachments as I cultivated, I could never find the one at the root, so I felt anxious.
To resolve this, I immersed myself in studying the Fa (teachings), and memorizing and copying the Fa by hand. I repeatedly studied Master’s article “Towards Consummation” and other lectures, carefully comparing every sentence with my own cultivation state. I also read many experience-sharing articles about how practitioners found their fundamental attachments.
With Master’s compassionate guidance, I finally saw mine. I realized that my starting point in cultivation was: “I want to become a good person.” As I continued looking inward, I understood that wanting to be a good person was merely a superficial manifestation, rather than the root attachment. Hidden beneath it was a much deeper attachment: the pursuit of reputation.
I’ve always been somewhat introverted. As a child, I obeyed my parents and rarely did anything that would upset them, so I was seldom criticized. Adults described me as timid yet sensible. In school, I listened to my teachers, was considered a model student, and earned the recognition of both teachers and classmates.
After I began working, I obeyed my supervisors, worked conscientiously, and was widely regarded as a good employee. I carried out every assignment diligently without thinking about personal gain or loss, and I held myself to high standards. I was recognized numerous times as an outstanding employee and received workplace awards for eight consecutive years. Achieving these honors required tremendous effort and sacrifice, and I endured many hardships along the way. After several years of employment, I also became a member of the Chinese Communist Party (CCP).
Because I grew up surrounded by praise, I gradually became accustomed to receiving approval from others. After entering the workforce, I worked extremely hard to earn recognition. I particularly enjoyed hearing compliments and, before I realized it, my attachment to reputation and recognition had quietly taken root.
Master said,
“Also, cultivation must have a process. When you start studying the Fa you are only able to understand the principles of being a good person. In reality, the contents of this book contain the truths of different realms and different levels. As Buddhism teaches it, the Three Realms has thirty-three levels of Heavens inside—there are different levels within the Three Realms. If you want to cultivate to a level of the Heavens, only when you know the principles of that level of the Heavens can you cultivate up. Only when you meet that standard can you ascend.” (“Teachings at the Conference in Houston”)
My understanding is that genuine cultivators elevate their realm and level by cultivating according to the Fa and continuously improving themselves. This naturally includes being a good person. However, if one deliberately strives to appear to be a good person or intentionally performs good deeds with that goal in mind, then one is merely being a good person in the ordinary human sense. That is not true cultivation and cannot lead to genuine elevation or a return to one’s original, true self.
Hint From Master
Looking back on my cultivation, it seemed that I had been very proactive in doing the three things. My home served as both a Fa-study site and a materials production site. I actively participated in nearly every project. I produced Dafa books, truth-clarification calendars, posters, and informational materials, made automated truth-clarification phone calls, wrote letters encouraging people to withdraw from the CCP, and I distributed informational materials in rural areas.
I carried out these tasks conscientiously, and the results were often quite good. I also got along well with other practitioners. Whenever someone needed help, I was always willing to assist without hesitation. Practitioners from other areas frequently stayed at my home to study the Fa, share experiences, and improve their cultivation state.
As I received increasing recognition from other practitioners, my attachments gradually emerged. I developed feelings of elation, the desire to show off, vanity, and self-satisfaction. I enjoyed hearing others praise me, and my ego quietly grew. I began to think that I was highly capable. When I was especially busy, I would study the Fa while printing materials, or print materials while doing household chores. I often became so busy that I forgot to eat or rest.
Over time, however, I realized that my behavior was no longer based on the Fa. I no longer internalized the Fa when I read and I frequently misread words. I couldn’t calm down when I sent righteous thoughts, and my mind became increasingly restless. I knew something was wrong. Although I recognized several human attachments that I had to eliminate, I felt powerless to completely remove them.
Seeing that I was unable to enlighten to the problem on my own, our compassionate Master gave me a hint. One morning, after lighting incense for Master, I began mopping the floor. A little while later, I turned around and noticed the incense stick I had just lit had gone out after burning only a short distance. I re-lit it, but after a while it went out again. I became anxious and silently said to Master, “Master, something must be wrong with my cultivation. I will seriously look inward.”
I lit another incense stick, and it burned normally. After looking inward, I concluded that I had mistaken doing more work for genuine cultivation. At the time, I believed this understanding was correct and consistent with the Fa. Looking back now, however, I realize I still hadn’t found the root cause: the real root was my attachment to protecting my reputation.
I also discovered many other attachments, including resentment, jealousy, looking down on others, belittling people, suspicion, and an unwillingness to accept others’ opinions. Even when I clarified the truth about the persecution and I encouraged people to withdraw from the CCP and its affiliated organizations, my motive didn’t always come from compassion and kindness. At times, I was more concerned with completing a task or increasing the number of people I helped quit, rather than genuinely saving people. My heart was not pure.
I also realized that I wasn’t always completely truthful in my speech. When discussing something with others, I sometimes unconsciously embellished what I said ever so slightly, hoping people would recognize my abilities or trust me more. Looking deeper, I saw that this was also driven by my attachment to reputation.
This attachment was also reflected in my family life. For example, I worked hard to maintain superficial harmony with my daughter-in-law. I often volunteered to do the difficult chores and frequently prepared delicious meals to show her what a good mother-in-law and good Dafa practitioner I was. I wanted her to think, “Look how wonderful my mother-in-law is. She does things that other people wouldn’t.”
Deep down, my thinking was, “I treat you well, so surely you will treat me well in return.” No matter how exhausted I became, I felt I had to preserve this harmonious relationship.
It was not that doing these things was wrong. The problem was that hidden beneath the appearance of being a good person was my attachment to seeking recognition and reputation.
Master arranged another opportunity for me to eliminate this attachment. Several practitioners and I were preparing to travel to the provincial capital to help rescue a practitioner. We expected to be away for several days. Since I had some time before we left, I decided to make dumplings for my daughter-in-law and grandson so they would have convenient meals while I was away. I knew it wasn’t easy for her to care for a young child by herself, so I wanted to make things easier for them, even though it took me considerable time and effort.
I finished making the dumplings just before leaving and then hurried downstairs. After walking a short way, I realized that I’d forgotten something. I quickly returned home, unlocked the door, and heard my daughter-in-law speaking loudly on the phone. It sounded as if she was arguing with someone, and her voice kept getting louder.
As I listened, I was surprise to realize that she was talking about me. “I’m so angry! She’s about to leave, but she still insists on making dumplings. I don’t even want to eat the dumplings she makes, they taste terrible!” My heart skipped a beat. Was she really talking about me? Just then, she turned around and saw that I’d come back and was searching for something in the bedroom. She looked embarrassed.
I picked up what I needed and headed toward the door. I said calmly, “Were the dumplings really so bad that they upset you? Don’t be angry anymore. I’m leaving now.” Then I went downstairs.
The drive to the provincial capital took about five hours. During the trip, my daughter-in-law’s harsh words kept replaying in my mind, and I felt deeply discouraged. Although I hadn’t argued with her and I was able to maintain my composure, inside I felt hurt and wronged; my pride had been wounded. I thought to myself, “I’m over 70 years old and I went to so much trouble to make things easier for her. Instead of thanking me, she spoke about me in such a disrespectful way. It’s unbelievable!” Then I had another thought: “No, that’s not right. I’m a cultivator and nothing happens by accident. I need to look inward.”
When I told the others what happened, one compassionately shared her understanding with me. She said that I’d been intentionally trying to be a good person rather than acting out of genuine compassion for my daughter-in-law, because, deep down, I wanted her to acknowledge that I was a good person. Because my actions were not based on the Fa, they could not truly touch her heart, so it was understandable that she didn’t appreciate what I’d done. The practitioner reminded me that I should simply let things happen naturally instead of forcing my good intentions on others.
I remembered that my daughter-in-law told me that I didn’t need to make the dumplings. She said I only needed to prepare the filling, and she could wrap them herself—but I insisted on doing everything. As a result, I was so busy that I left without even having time to eat. My actions had indeed been driven by my human intentions. Looking deeper, I realized that this was still part of my attachment to reputation. Without realizing it, I’d been carefully concealing this attachment for many years.
Eliminating My Fundamental Attachment
I cultivated for more than 20 years before I finally discovered my fundamental attachment. Although I studied the Fa extensively and participated in many Dafa projects, I hadn’t truly assimilated to the Fa. Much of what I did remained superficial and was still driven by human notions. I resolved to devote even more effort to studying the Fa, memorizing and copying the Fa by hand. The purpose of studying the Fa is to assimilate to it. Only by assimilating to the Fa can we truly change our human notions and transform the thinking patterns that were formed in the human world and that do not conform to the universal principles of Truthfulness, Compassion, and Forbearance. We must completely reject the old forces’ arrangements.
I knew that I had to work on my xinxing. In every situation, I needed to measure my thoughts and actions with the Fa. If something conformed to the Fa, I would do it; if it did not, I resolutely refused. I paid attention to even the smallest matters in daily life. Every thought, every word, and every action became an opportunity to examine myself according to the Fa and eliminate any unrighteous elements.
After I did this for some time, I found that the many attachments stemming from my pursuit of reputation became much easier to eliminate. I knew Master helped me: “Cultivation depends on one’s own efforts, while the transformation of gong is done by one’s master.” (Lecture One, Zhuan Falun)
Whenever I eliminated even a small portion of an attachment, Master would remove another portion in other dimensions. I am profoundly grateful for Master’s compassionate salvation.
My husband and I began practicing Falun Dafa at the same time. He cultivated diligently and steadfastly. In 2003, he was illegally sentenced to five years in prison. After enduring three years of persecution, he passed away.
Our son went to college, married, and settled in another city. I spent three and a half years helping care for my grandson. When he was older and no longer needed my help, I lived by myself, and that became my primary cultivation environment.
About a year ago, my circumstances changed. My son asked me to move from northeastern China to live near his family. He rented an apartment for me, saying it would be easier to take care of me there, now that I’m older. I don’t feel that I need anyone to take care of me, but considering traditional family values, I agreed to move. I believe that every cultivation environment arranged for a Dafa practitioner is carefully planned by Master. I simply follow the natural course—regardless of where I am, it is all part of my cultivation.
In this new location, I once again found myself cultivating largely on my own, without the group cultivation environment I enjoyed in my hometown. Fortunately, I can access the Minghui website and stay current with the overall Fa-rectification progress. In fact, carrying out the three things has become even more convenient than before because I now have more time.
There are many street markets, shopping centers, wholesale markets, and supermarkets here, providing numerous opportunities to meet people with predestined relationships and clarify the truth to them. More importantly, this new environment gives me many opportunities to improve my xinxing.
I am deeply grateful to Master for compassionately arranging yet another cultivation environment and another opportunity for me to improve.
I did not receive much formal education, so writing this article has not been easy. These are my personal understandings at my current level. If there is anything not in accordance with the Fa, I kindly ask practitioners to compassionately point it out.
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